1. Hello and welcome! It’s episode 224 of #MrMrsBetterHalf. Mr. & Mrs Better Half is designed to strengthen marriages & relationships that will lead to marriage, with wisdom from God's Word. 
2. If you missed the last episode, we dealt with the issue: ‘my husband’s finances are a mess and I don’t want him to drag me down with him.’ Catch up here wakelet.com/wake/caf92bf0-… MrMrsBetterHalf.
3. This week’s situation is from a single person: ‘I FEEL I love her but how do I KNOW I love her?’ Good question. Knowing if you’re truly in love is very important especially these days when being love is deemed to be the primary ingredient for marriage. #MrMrsBetterHalf
4. After all there was a time when love was not deemed to be as important as genealogy, family history, mental health, wealth, status, fertility and other metrics. Those were the bargaining chips for concluding a marriage contract. #MrMrsBetterHalf
5. However, when people realized the joy that could and should come out of a union, love/being in love got more important. Today it is not common for people to bypass all other qualities and simply ask- "do you love him/her?" #MrMrsBetterHalf
6. It is believed that the force of love is powerful enough to surmount all the challenges that life may throw your way. However I believe in a balance of both the practical and the emotional. I propose a combination of common sense and love. #MrMrsBetterHalf
7. This is because I have seen many cases where love couldn't ‘conquer all’. However this is not to take away from the power of real love. It is powerful and it is important. But it needs to be real. #MrMrsBetterHalf
8. So if you are a love proponent, you need to make sure that you have the genuine product before marriage. You had better be sure you are really in love- REAL love, before you get married. #MrMrsBetterHalf
9. There are many couples that thought they were in love but discovered belatedly that those feelings didn't last. They realised they were really ‘in like’, ‘in crush’, ‘in infatuation’, ‘in lust’, ‘in companionship’, ‘in friendship’. #MrMrsBetterHalf
10. So the question is, how do we identify real love? How do we distinguish our crazy emotions from the real thing? Most of us know the various kinds of love. 1) PHILEO/PHILIA: friendship love/family/brotherly love. #MrMrsBetterHalf
11. (2) EROS: love of the body/sexual/romantic love. 3) LUDUS: Playful love. 4) PRAGMA: Longstanding love. 5) STORGE: Protective love- like the love you have for a child and finally, 6) AGAPE- the unconditional God-kind of love. #MrMrsBetterHalf
12. The love that you are looking for when getting into marriage is a combination of all these kinds of love. You should have feelings of friendship, protection, playfulness, affinity, endurance and attraction for your mate. #MrMrsBetterHalf
13. So if you are dating or in courtship and are on a ‘love high’, come down for a minute and discern your relationship. Some of the following statements will help you know if what you feel is really love or something without real substance. #MrMrsBetterHalf
14. It is not real love if you- (a) Are physically attracted to each other but actually hate each other’s guts. Physical attraction is no big deal. To use a Nigerian slang, it is like ‘pure water’- common and not special in the least. #MrMrsBetterHalf
15. If you dislike a person’s character and personality but are only drawn to their physical appearance, or sex appeal, it is NOT love. It's lust. If their looks were to change tomorrow, that would be the end of the road for you and that relationship. #MrMrsBetterHalf
16. It is not love if (b) You sense that your mate is not proud of you or you in turn are ashamed of him/her. Are you happy to introduce each other to people in public? If your answer is ‘no’ it’s not love. #MrMrsBetterHalf
17. You should be proud of the person you love. You should be able to walk into a palace and shout across a crowded room- ‘that’s my girl or my guy!’ If your mate is not proud of you, rethink that relationship! #MrMrsBetterHalf
18. It’s not love if (c) Your mate does not or cannot engage you intellectually. There must be a meeting of the minds. It’s not love if (d) Your mate shows no interest in your family and you don’t care to know about his/hers. #MrMrsBetterHalf
19. It’s not love if (e) You can’t sustain a simple conversation unless sexual activity is involved. Some people can make-out for hours but can’t sustain a 15-minute non-sexual conversation. This is not love. Love goes far beyond sex. #MrMrsBetterHalf
20. Remember that you can’t have sex 24 hours a day. Real life requires an actual relationship that’s outside the bedroom. You must have more in common than physical attraction. #MrMrsBetterHalf
21. It’s not love if (f) Your mate can’t stand or isn’t interested in your friends, colleagues or vocation. Friends and careers are the things that make up a good portion of your daily life. #MrMrsBetterHalf
22. If your mate has no interest in them, then he/she has no real interest in the things that make you who you are. It’s not love if (g) Your mate is not agreeable or flexible. Willingness to compromise is a sign of love. #MrMrsBetterHalf
23. It’s not love if (h) Your mate does not show empathy- especially to you. Kindness is integral to love. It’s not love if (i) Your mate only pursues his/her own interests. The concept of ‘we’ is like a foreign language. #MrMrsBetterHalf
24. It’s not love if (j) Your flaws don’t matter to each other. This is not about judgement but about improvement. A relationship should be about making each other better not sweeping your flaws and weaknesses under the carpet. #MrMrsBetterHalf
25. If your mate is engaged in a destructive vice, hold him or her accountable and press for change. That is real love. It’s not love if (k) Your mate pulls you down emotionally, disrespects, dishonours or degrades you. #MrMrsBetterHalf
26. Now nobody is perfect so there’s a chance that you or your mate may be faltering in one or two of these. You can point them out to him or her and you both can work on improving yourselves together. #MrMrsBetterHalf
27. However, if 3 or more of these things apply to you, chances are high that what you call love isn’t love at all. Now let’s look at the brighter side of things. How do you know that you’re in love or on the road to real love? #MrMrsBetterHalf
28. If you can tick off at least 10 of the things I will list out shortly, you are probably in good shape. It’s a sign of love when (a) You are willing to go the extra mile for each other. Love is sacrificial. #MrMrsBetterHalf
29. It’s a sign of love when (b) Your relationship isn’t all about one person. You are a team through and through. It’s a sign of love when (c) There’s no condescension. No one feels superior or feels s/he’s doing the other a favour. #MrMrsBetterHalf
30. It’s a sign of love when (d) Your mate is empathetic to you and vice versa. There must be genuine kindness. It’s a sign of love when (e) Your relationship is based on truth and sincerity. No cover-ups or pretentiousness. #MrMrsBetterHalf
31. It’s a sign of love when (f) You and your mate are attentive, have good manners and show respect to each other. It’s a sign of love when (g) You are inquisitive about your mate and vice versa. You want to get into each other's worlds. #MrMrsBetterHalf
32. Now don’t mistake interest for being nosy or stalking your mate. Nosiness is born out of mistrust not real interest. It’s a sign of love when (h) You see your flaws, work on them together but love each other in spite of them. #MrMrsBetterHalf
33. It’s a sign of love when (i) You’re both quick to forgive and put past offences to rest. Malice is not a habit. It’s a sign of love when (j) You can confront bad behaviour in each other without condemnation. #MrMrsBetterHalf
34. Please note that there should be no fear in a relationship. You must be able to hold each other accountable without feeling like you're being judgmental. It’s a sign of love when (k) You don't feel desperate or insecure around your mate and vice versa. #MrMrsBetterHalf
35. Love should make you feel good and safe. It should not leave you full of anxiety. It’s a sign of love when (l) Arguments don’t result in world wars. We can respectfully agree to disagree. #MrMrsBetterHalf
36. It’s a sign of love when (m) There is liberty. Love should give you the freedom to be yourself. I know that when dating, we tend to always put our best foot forward and that is understandable and okay. #MrMrsBetterHalf
37. However, there’s a difference between being the best version of you and assuming a false identity. After a while, your mate should know some of your quirks, weaknesses and differences and still love you. #MrMrsBetterHalf
38. Being in love means being able to let your guard down without fear of ridicule or condemnation. Just be you! Finally it’s a sign of love when (n) You both build good habits and become better versions of yourselves. #MrMrsBetterHalf
39. Love should improve and increase you. It should make you kinder, smarter, more spiritual, more compassionate etc. This is why people say of their good spouses- ‘s/he brings out the very best in me!’ #MrMrsBetterHalf
40. I hope this has been helpful to you. I will be back next week with another topic. Until then, thanks for following, participating and RTing. May your marriages and relationships be sweet! #MrMrsBetterHalf
