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1.Hello and welcome! It’s episode 249 of #MrMrsBetterHalf. Mr. & Mrs. Better Half is designed to strengthen marriages & relationships that will lead to marriage, with wisdom from God's Word. 
2. If you missed the last episode, we dealt with the issue: “My wife hides her finances from me and makes me pay for all our living expenses. Is this right? Aren’t we a team?” If you missed it, get it here: bit.ly/2JBZLK3 #MrMrsBetterHalf
3. This week’s discussion is “My wife wants to attend another church but I have roots in my home church. I think she’s just excited about new things because she had no problem with our church before.” #MrMrsBetterHalf
4. Most relationships require some joint decision-making and marriage is probably the most advanced joint venture of them all, requiring joint decisions as concerns money, children, investments, jobs, welfare and many other factors. #MrMrsBetterHalf
5. Some issues carry more weight in a home than others. While where to go on holiday might seem fairly trivial in the scheme of things, a decision like how many children you would like to have is not as it has bigger implications. #MrMrsBetterHalf
6. What do you do when you disagree on fundamental issues like belief systems? What you believe and your value system is one of the things that I believe couples must give attention to before they get married. #MrMrsBetterHalf
7. I have seen many singles say ‘religion doesn’t matter- you just do you and I do me’. This mantra works while you’re dating or even during courtship, but usually falls apart when you get married and have kids. #MrMrsBetterHalf
8. That’s when battles ensue about things like whether to baptize children, circumcision, what religious holiday to celebrate, who to go to in times of trouble or where to go for spiritual counsel, etc. Belief systems matter. #MrMrsBetterHalf
9. Two cannot walk together if they don’t agree. We must agree on how we want to live our lives: the values we will build on, the boundaries we will erect and the legacy of faith we will leave for our children. These are fundamental. #MrMrsBetterHalf
10. Sometimes like in this case, the choice is not necessarily between two diverse beliefs but more a matter of preference on where to worship. The challenge here is that the preference is on a matter that is fundamental to the marriage. #MrMrsBetterHalf
11. The argument about what church a couple should attend is a common one particularly amongst courting singles and doesn’t necessarily have one-size fits all answer. #MrMrsBetterHalf
12. Some feel that a lady who gets married should automatically move to her husband’s church but I have seen several cases where the men moved because they acknowledged their ladies’ church better served their spiritual needs. #MrMrsBetterHalf
13. In cases where neither party is comfortable with the other’s church, some made the mutual decision to find another church family that they both can call home. Sometimes, this compromise works well. #MrMrsBetterHalf
14. When the choice of church crosses denominational lines, I urge you to focus on what’s most important. Is Jesus acknowledged as the Son of God? Is the Bible the foundation of the teachings? Are you challenged to serve and live for God? #MrMrsBetterHalf
15. Our approach to worship might differ but the heart of the matter is whether you are 100% sold out to follow Jesus. Don’t let denominational politics confuse you - heaven will be a delightful reunion of God’s many children. #MrMrsBetterHalf
16. Still, why is a local church important? A local church is a sub-sect of the body of Christ that is called to disciple and nurture the people who call it home. It positions itself in a way to be a family and to cater to families. #MrMrsBetterHalf
17. Your local church should be a place where you can become a part of the local community. Where you can have rights and responsibilities and where you can be accountable to leaders and fellow members of the body of Christ. #MrMrsBetterHalf
18. Your local church should play a major part in your spiritual development. It should be a place where you can groom and unleash your gifts and callings and serve God wholeheartedly. #MrMrsBetterHalf
19. Your local church should be a place where your children can be taught in the word of God and more importantly watch you also being taught the word of God and thereafter follow you as you follow Christ. #MrMrsBetterHalf
20. I am an advocate of man and wife having common denominators in fundamental things and the church you attend is one of them. Since the church is a source of spiritual stability for your home, it’s wise to draw from the same source. #MrMrsBetterHalf
21. The truth is that unless you are a nominal Christian who attends church on special occasions, it would be difficult for man and wife to serve wholeheartedly in two different church communities. You will both experience different seasons. #MrMrsBetterHalf
22. When one church teaches on prayer, the other teaches on parenting. While one teaches stewardship, the other teaches relationships. While one is waiting on God in prayer and fasting, the other could be planning mission trips. #MrMrsBetterHalf
23. Focus is required to build anything of lasting value. You will make more progress when you and your spouse focus on hearing, growing and practising the same things. #MrMrsBetterHalf
24. ‘But PG, this is where I will grow spiritually’. Remember that marriage is not about you alone. The spiritual health of your family is very important too. That’s the beauty of iron sharpening iron. #MrMrsBetterHalf
25. Sometimes the proof of your spiritual maturity is in making decisions that will strengthen your home instead of fragment it. If your attending a different church causes friction, what’s the alternative? #MrMrsBetterHalf
26. Is it possible to attend the same church but still listen to messages from your favourite preacher? Can you attend their special programs or watch their broadcasts? Find ways to win on both sides. #MrMrsBetterHalf
27. Now in a case where a spouse was happy with their local church but is now eager to make a change, don't just sweep his or her desire under the carpet, ask questions to better understand the motive. #MrMrsBetterHalf
28. Is something going on in your spouse’s life that is changing his or her taste in terms of faith or expectation? Is it just a fluke or just excitement or is there a genuine reason? Was he or she hurt by someone or something in your current church? #MrMrsBetterHalf
29. What is s/he now looking for in a church? Is there something you can do about it without necessarily switching churches? Or is God speaking to him/her and should you pray about it too? #MrMrsBetterHalf
30. If the reasons are cogent or you sense God is nudging you to move to a place where you can grow more spiritually and also serve him better then do it. The fact that the suggestion came from your spouse is irrelevant. Do what’s best for the family. #MrMrsBetterHalf
31. Place God’s leading above traditions. In the Bible, God often called people out of their comfort zones to serve in new places. While it might be painful to leave your home church, God will plant you in a new home where you’ll flourish. #MrMrsBetterHalf
32. If the reasons are flimsy and your spouse just wants to scratch a social itch- e.g. it’s the newest church in town or it’s where your friends attend, help your spouse find other ways to satisfy that craving. #MrMrsBetterHalf
33. You can make time to visit your friends while also investing in building a social circle in your own church. It’s unsustainable to uproot yourselves anytime the wind blows in a different direction. It makes you flaky at best. #MrMrsBetterHalf
34. Finally, if you are in a situation where you cannot mutually come to an agreement on where to worship, who should make the call? When critical decisions are to be made, it is a call for leadership. #MrMrsBetterHalf
35. In this situation, the man, who is the leader of the household as appointed by God should humbly and thoughtfully make the decision. #MrMrsBetterHalf
36. Men remember, however, that you don't want to be autocratic; you have to embrace collaborative leadership, which seeks to leverage the strength of the individual parties for better decisions, better results and love in the home. #MrMrsBetterHalf
37. Remember that humility is power under control. It calls for love, collaboration and empathy. You can win an argument but lose a friend if care is not taken, and that’s not what you are trying to achieve. #MrMrsBetterHalf
38. Carry your partner along and help her see why/how you arrived at this decision. It is not you lording it over her as “it’s your decision and it’s final” but showing salient points as to how it’s beneficial for your family. #MrMrsBetterHalf
39. At the end of the day, you can force a horse to the river but you can’t force it to drink. You don't want your wife going to church but not getting blessed – it defeats the purpose. As much as it lies in your power, come to this decision together. #MrMrsBetterHalf
40. I hope this has been helpful to you. I will be back next week with another topic. Until then, thanks for following, participating and RTing. May your marriages and relationships be sweet! #MrMrsBetterHalf
