Thread by @mtoecker

The title of this should be "Want folks to lie to you about personal stuff? Offer them a free donut."

I ROUTINELY lie when asked these questions.

Want someone's personal data? Give them a free donut bit.ly/2Z6CZOW

Q: "Hey, what's your dog's name?"
A: "Oh, her name was Jebiesz jeze, but JJ for short. We loved her so much, she was just a tiny little angel of a sparkled wolf terrier. Such a neat breed, they quiver all the time until they spy a small rodent then <insert 15 minutes of drivel>

Q: "Did you go to elementary school in DC, or somewhere else?"
A: So, I spent my formative years at a school in a women's prison, but it was a real nice one, club fed. Mom and Dad were traveling at the time, and Grandma had been caught embezzling millions for this cagey old coot

Q: So, who was your best friend growing up?
A: Ah Shemp. Shemp was a rapscallion to the core, with his tricornered hat and his bell bottoms. We used to fly junkets to the south china sea, and land vichy canoes in dingo territory.

Q: Do I want to know what your favorite book is?
A: Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, duh.
Q: That's it, no crazy sto...
A: I made extensive use of it in my travels between the graboozilion nebula and Rantrax IV.
Q: God Damn It! You make me so angry I could spit!
A: Towel?

Q: How do you pronounce your name?
A: Toecker, but the -ke is non-fragranted.

Q: What's your mother's maiden name?
A: Which one, there are several.
Q: Mother's?
A: No, maidens. Mom collected them in the basement. They kept trying to escape.

Q: What's the first company you worked for?
A: Microsoft. I was employee #12, but I got fired for pooping Paul Allen's diapers.
Q: Wait, how, wha....
A: Paul was very particular about his diapers, but I can't say anything more I'm under NDA.

Q: So where did you meet your spouse?
A: I don't think that's the important question, the important question is where I met your spouse Mr Trebek.
Q: I don't think that's quite appropri
A: I'll take Fancy Knickers for $1000 please.

Q: Where did you go to high school.
A: I'm not originally from St. Louis.

cc: @shawnmoyer @nebulaSTL

Q: What city were you born in?
A: Gillette Wyoming, I was part of a secret gov't project to create supersoldiers based on cat DNA.
Q: That's the plot of Dark Angel
A: Don't tell my cousin @jessicaalba, she thought we were all in a biopic.

Q: Any foods you really like?
A: Oh, I like pizza.
Q: That's it?
A: Yep.
Q: No foolishness, or crazy stories?
A: Nope.
Q: This is a real answer to the question, you're not fucking with me?
A: Yep, & Nope.
Q: I don't know what to say.
A: You're welcome. Where's my fucking donut?

@threadreaderapp Please unroll this work of fiction for me. @steak_umm #Bless

@threadreaderapp @steak_umm @threadreaderapp unroll