Thread by @TextualOffender

Thinking about Mihir's family took me back to May when I was about to face something similar. Luckily for me, It didn't come to pass but it's not over yet. Unluckily for me, it's changed my life irrevocably since. This suits a blog lot more but it's past 1 am so here it goes.

Sometime in middle of May, I was in my office when I got a call from my Brother-in-law who told me it was time for me to come down to Lucknow. Just one day earlier I had found out that my mother was hospitalised but It didn't sound too serious at that point.

I was preparing for a multiagency pitch the new CEO of an existing client called for to consolidate two brands. We've been struggling to get back in black for a while & this was a chance to seal that. On the other hand if we lost the client we'd be too deep in red to recover.

So I had to make a choice. Do I wait for a couple of days to see how mom's health fares and go for the pitch or do I go home and see if I can come back in time for the pitch. I decided I could work on my laptop while away so I packed a small bag of clothes and headed home.

By the time I landed in Lucknow my mother was already in ICU. The doctors were throwing around words like multiple organ failure, dialysis, ventilator and, yes, 10% chance of survival. Everyone was panicking. I must admit the multple organ failure part shook me up too.

This was a private hospital. Next morning they verbally told us that creatinine had shot up over 7 and if we don't start dialysis we will lose her. On the other hand, the doctors in our extended family were insistent that we move her to a govt hospital. Yep, you read that right.

My Brother-in-law and I rushed to the govt hospital to see if we could get her admitted there. Getting treated at this govt hospital is insanely difficult due to the sheer number of patients queued up for treatment, getting a bed in the ICU doubly so.

Here at this moment I had to make another very difficult decision - using our privilege to save my mother. Could I afford to lose her to feel good about not misusing my privilege? Maybe a better man could. We used our contacts to cut through the red tape and get her admitted.

By now the pitch was last thing on my mind. I had blisters on my feet from all the running around from counter to counter getting her admitted and then getting a room at the on campus guest house, once again requiring sifarish from someone who knew someone who knew someone.

Over next 3 weeks my father and I lived in the hospital, I would spend the night on a chair outside the ICU while he would go sleep in the guesthouse. During the day he would be there along with a private nurse whom we hired while I would head to the guesthouse.

I just was not in the frame of mind to work on the pitch. I have a small team here and even if they wanted to they could not have done this without me. So I let that pitch pass. Then another. And then another. In that moment everything else seemed inconsequential.

After 3 weeks in ICU and a few days in the general ward, we finally got her home. I spent a few days at home, made necessary arrangements, and when everything seemed stable I came back to a business that was no longer sustainable. I had exhausted all money in paying the bills.

I have been back a month and I have been trying every possible solution. Tried to get more business - already had a pitch where I convinced the client to not launch yet because they weren't ready even though I needed their money now. You can see why my business is in red.

I have also been trying to downsize by finding my star employees a job that will suit them. I am trying to close a side gig so I don’t have to pay myself. I am meeting people to see where we can collaborate. Problem is most people want to work with me and not with my company.

But come end of August if we are not back in black, I don't see a future where this company can pay its employees on time. And that is not a future I want for them. It will be time to shut shop and look for a job for myself too. Is there a market for failed entrepreneurs?

Or maybe people would still want me as a consultant for their brands and I can get by doing odd gigs till I can do what I really want to do next - make short films and webseries. Who knows what the future is In store but I am not angry or upset about where I am today.

It is nobody else's fault. I chose to start this business knowing the risks. I chose to stick to my ethics knowing the risks. And I chose to head home knowing the risks. In fact this is forcing me out of my comfortzone and it could be the best thing to have happened to me.

After 11 years in the industry, 8 as an entrepreneur, and 0 holidays, I am burned out. I am tired. I am out of ideas. I am looking forward to the next creative challenge in life. I am 37 and broke but not broken. And I still have my mother so there is a lot to be thankful for.

Flying her here to continue her treatment because my mind needs to be in one place for me to succeed in whatever it is I am about to do next. Shutting down after 8 years won't be my failure but managing it so long with my personal demons and work ethics has been my success story.

ere is no moral to this story. Or a lesson for anyone else. If you want to learn from my mistakes - I prefer to call them lessons as I did learn a lot from them - I am more than happy to make time to talk about them. Thank you for coming to my TedRant.