Profile picture
Ariel Edwards-Levy
@aedwardslevy
, 9 tweets, 1 min read Read on Twitter
i beg of you please to stop rewriting the plums in the icebox poem to be about feral hogs

learn another poem
in my yard, the 30-50 feral hogs come and go
talking of my small kids, you know
shall i enact gun control? do i dare to eat some lard?
i shall wear white flannel trousers, and walk upon my yard
i have heard the 30-50 feral hogs oinking, each to each

i do not think that they will oink to me.
nobody, not even the 30-50 feral hogs, have such small hams
i'm a feral hog! who are you?
are you a feral hog, too?
then there's 30-50 of us — don't tell!
they'd shoot at us, you know
sing to me of the hogs, Muse, the hogs of thirty to fifty-

odysseus: wait no, don't shoot them, please, those are my sailors

odysseus: CIRCE
shall I compare thee to a feral hog?
thou art less surly and less obstinate
my mentions are so legitimately good right now
the best thing about this thread is that I've legitimately learned several lovely poems I didn't previously know by reverse-searching jokes about hogs
Missing some Tweet in this thread?
You can try to force a refresh.

Like this thread? Get email updates or save it to PDF!

Subscribe to Ariel Edwards-Levy
Profile picture

Get real-time email alerts when new unrolls are available from this author!

This content may be removed anytime!

Twitter may remove this content at anytime, convert it as a PDF, save and print for later use!

Try unrolling a thread yourself!

how to unroll video

1) Follow Thread Reader App on Twitter so you can easily mention us!

2) Go to a Twitter thread (series of Tweets by the same owner) and mention us with a keyword "unroll" @threadreaderapp unroll

You can practice here first or read more on our help page!

More from @aedwardslevy see all

Profile picture
Ariel Edwards-Levy
@aedwardslevy
having the kind of morning where I found myself idly wondering which of my kitchen utensils would win in a primary

(definitely the non-stick pan, talk about a real teflon candidate)
the soup dish is currently number one in the bowls, but who's this guy promising to make everything grate again
even for me this is bad
Read 11 tweets
Profile picture
Ariel Edwards-Levy
@aedwardslevy
you're stuck in a groundhog-day-like time loop where every night there is another debate with another 10 candidates
at first they're minor politicians you think you sort of recognize, but then it becomes a parade of titles like "mayor of townsfield" and "representative for ND-87"

they all have names like "john richardson" and "richard johnson" and "son richardjohn"
at some point william jennings bryan and horatio seymour show up, affably. nobody seems to find this amiss
Read 8 tweets
Profile picture
Ariel Edwards-Levy
@aedwardslevy
it's traditional for the youngest child in attendance to read the Mueller report
"if the report did not find collusion but did not reach a finding on obstruction of justice"

"dayenu"
for some reason I now have this mental image of Barr and Rosenstein making all the reporters at the presser pass around the little dishes of parsley and salt water before they'll say anything about the report and of course it's taking FOREVER
Read 6 tweets

Related threads

Profile picture
Tobi Wan
@kandapik
How to treat your girlfriend.

a thread.
When she fights with you, hug her hard and tell her how much you love her.
When she is quiet, ask her what's wrong.
Read 25 tweets
Profile picture
Leah McElrath
@leahmcelrath
It’s wonderful an openly gay man has run for President. I was very excited about him initially. He’s clearly intellectually brilliant and gifted with languages — unfortunately one of those languages isn’t anti-racism.

I’m done.
Here's Buttigieg talking knowledgeably about race issues.

But the way he talks about Trump voters is alienating –– he needs to stop coming across as minimizing racism in that context.

Maybe he'll get there soon. He's just not on my short list right now.
Y'all, this is going to be the longest primary season ever if we don't get thicker skins (myself included).

Favorites will come-and-go/trade places as we get to know candidates.

I respect your opinions, but I have my own that I share. I expect you to be respectful of mine too.
Read 4 tweets
Profile picture
8% Revolt 🇺🇸
@8Revolt
Pelosi vs Trump in the MSM is just to hype SOTU speech

Rather than having another SOTU that the average Americans will let come and go without putting much thought into it, it’s being promoted as a main event, like a Super Bowl or Daytona 500

Continued below👇🏻

#Qanon #MAGA
It actually feels like an MMA pay per view as we get closer and closer to it

Average people are hearing more and more about it, this is to get them ENGAGED, this is a crucial step to THE GREAT AWAKENING

Also keep in mind that “disinformation is necessary”...

Continues👇🏻 #Qanon
Disinformation is necessary to protect POTUS, and to protect the SOTU address

My guess is that is why we are seeing constant changes regarding the time of it and location of it

The deep state has no idea when Trump will hold it, or if he even will at all

Continues👇🏻 #Qanon
Read 6 tweets
Profile picture
Promises Made-Promises Kept=45
@Trump45awesome
Angry democrats always think when taxes are raised by their democratic leaders, that the taxes will be increased on the rich. Nothing could be further from the truth. They don't take the time to fact check their democratic leaders, so they always get it wrong. SAD!
The tax laws are written to protect the rich. They are able to hide more of their money, because they don't have to spend it all to make ends meet.Its always the middle class that suffers.Middle class people need more of their money to live on. This keeps them from protecting it!
The last time we had a serious crash, it was because too many people were living on borrowed money. Many bought houses they could not afford to pay for. The banks went and lent all that money to people who were truly not qualified to borrow it. Hence the crash. Do we want this?
Read 7 tweets
Profile picture
🇺🇸Kat of the "Ban Nazis" Patriots🇺🇸
@kat021171
Okay, time for some serious talk. We need to talk about these idiots who call themselves "gender critical", who are really just trans-exclusionary, if not outright transphobic, and their newest bone to clamp their jaws down upon, so-called "rapid onset gender dysphoria".
First of all..."rapid-onset" is in the eyes of the beholders. If it's going to fit your narrative, someone's gender dysphoria is going to have come "out of nowhere". This is because kids who know that they don't conform to expectations, but who seek love, learn how to hide.
So, for example, when I came out to my mom (20 years ago), she was stunned. She said it was "out of nowhere" and that she "couldn't see it". When I came out to my little brother a year later he said he'd always known. So, to my mom it was "rapid-onset", but not for my brother.
Read 54 tweets

Trending hashtags

#Xinjiang #electroneum #WorldWide #LAWYERED #ControlledMSM #Yoonmin #TheAlphasNerd #HoboLawyer #ded #BOOM #LOLwut #dead #evergreen #wewesoexcite #giveaway #people #priorities #Uyghur #FearTheBeard #Threadnought #products #map #ThreadnoughtBingo #TeamBrainworms #CryAboutIt
Follow Us on Twitter!

Did Thread Reader help you today?

Support us! We are indie developers!

This site is made by just three indie developers on a laptop doing marketing, support and development! Read more about the story.

Become a Premium Member ($3.00/month or $30.00/year) and get exclusive features!

Become Premium

Too expensive? Make a small donation by buying us coffee ($5) or help with server cost ($10)

Donate via Paypal Become our Patreon

Thank you for your support!