Thread by @Lauramiaow

Letter to my alienating parent
Dear Mum,
I know you found the break up hard. I know you found maintaining any meaningful relationship hard. I know you had a bad relationship with alcohol. I know you had underlying mental health problems. But we were children. (1/14)

I remember the days where you'd sit on the kitchen floor, crying. You'd tell us Dad had done this to you. That he didn't pay for us, he was a bad husband for breaking up the family. We'd see Dad & we'd be angry with him. He never corrected us. (2/14)

You'd tell us he cheated. You'd come into his house during drop off & look through his mail. You'd read his private letters from a gf to us, & tell us he was keeping secrets from us. Even on the way to the airport, you made us drive past his to see if he had a woman round.(3/14)

I remember us pulling up in front of his flat, you'd peer through his window. We sat & watched as you screamed at him, climbed into the car crying & told us you saw him with another woman. I was 10 and confused. You had a boyfriend & had been broken up with Dad for a year.(4/14)

I remember the days where you would break up with the boyfriends. I remember you would bombard us with questions about Dad, asking 'Did he ever think about you.' Such contrast to the way you'd speak about him in front of boyfriends. (5/14)

I remember wanting to cry as you spoke to my friend's mums at the school gate about my dad. You'd initiate it, sometimes with people we didn't know. The kids would listen and look at me. I remember seeing the mums glare at Dad when we saw them at the shop. (6/14)

I remember starting to avoid telling you what our plans were with Dad. If I told you we were renting a film, you'd find a reason to call his phone and start an argument. I remember one night he switched it off - the next day you told us you were about to call the police.(7/14)

Why? Because, you said, you didn't know if something was wrong or whether he had kidnapped us. You scared my sister - she didnt want to go back to him for a week. I remember telling her you were joking so she would come back. You said you weren't. (8/14)

You'd often tell us about your family. You'd talk about their darkest secrets. You'd tell us your dad physically abused you & your mum wanted you to abort me & kicked you out. We'd hear you speak to them on the phone and tell them how bad we were and how awful Dad was (9/14)

It's only now I see what you were doing - making sure no one said anything to anyone.
I knew Dad didn't like you - but he never showed it. You did. You would be obsessed & then hate him. You would tell us how you were being the reasonable one in court & how all Dad (10/14)

Cared about was money. That he sat crying in the court about money, not the breakdown of his family. I wish I could go back in time & tell you that children grow up & ask questions of their own. I wish I could tell you that I knew Dad was crying in court because (11/14)

Your expensive solicitor paid for by your rich family, managed to get Dad to pay for the house, car, bills and maintenance. He still had us 50%. He was living in a 1 bed flat and never complained to us, or the Dr. He had St John's Wort in the cupboard. (12/14)

So I'll end my letter with this.
Dear Dad, I know you found the divorce difficult - thank you for keeping it from us. I know you found maintaining a relationship post-breakup with my mum hard - thank you for trying. I know you found Mum's relationship with alcohol hard (13/14)

- thank you for dropping us off lunch before work because she had forgotten to buy food, but remembered to buy wine. I know you had underlying mental health problems - but were too embarrassed to go to the Dr. But most of all, thank you for remembering we were children. (14/14)