Thread by @BarryTuck

A while ago my life took an unexpected turn when, overnight, my wife transformed from @kirstybisset into a #Swiftie. Perhaps it was gradual, but it felt like it was sudden. Either way it’s been a strange journey, so I thought I’d share some of my experiences as a #SwiftieHusband.

First, some advice for other partners of a Swiftie. If you are in a relationship with a Swiftie, you need to make peace with the fact that it is a polyamorous relationship, and that you are the not the primary partner. Don’t resist or challenge it. Just accept it. #SwiftieHusband

Secondly, celebrate how easy gifting has become. You can buy your partner the Red album for the fifth birthday in a row, and they will still cry with the joy of a five-year old at a Peppa Pig concert. Sorry, Iggy. #SwiftieHusband

Now, some observations, and I apologise that these are from the perspective of a dude in a heterosexual marriage. I am certain the observations will resonate no matter your orientation or gender... So bear with me. #SwiftieHusband

As a #SwiftieHusband, you will wake up every day with Taylor lyrics in your head. Sometimes they are simply in your head, embedded there after watching 5 hours of music videos the previous night. Other times they are blasting at full volume through the house. Even if it is 2am.

You will wonder downstairs in the middle of the night and find scenes like this...
#SwiftieHusband

And mornings will consist of this...
#SwiftieHusband
FYI, Zorro is the cat.

Birthday parties will end up with a group of friends on the couch watching the 1989 World Tour video.
Probably three times in a row.
Yes, even if it is your birthday party. #SwiftieHusband

You understand the deeper meaning of otherwise random words and terms such as “snake”, “13”, “Starbucks lovers”, “Sydney”, “maple lattes”, “1989”, “1, 2, 3, let’s go bitch”, “sonically cohesive”, and “scooter”.
Yes, the Swiftiverse has its own lexicon. #SwiftieHusband

Holidays and overseas trips are planned primarily around tour dates. Hours are spent sitting online trying to get concert tickets. Tears are shed regularly because South Africa is not on the tour list... #SwiftieHusband

You begin to analyse everything, looking for Easter eggs. And then you realise that you are watching The Walking Dead, and not a Taylor Swift music video. #SwiftieHusband

Meredith Grey is not a Grey’s Anatomy character.
Olivia Benson is not an officer in Law & Order.
Benjamin Button is not a movie character played by Brad Pitt.
#SwiftieHusband

At any given time, you will hear a voice scream “Yaaaaaassssss, bitch!!!" from somewhere in the house. Don’t panic. Casually make your way towards the disturbance, and enquire: “What has Tay done now?” #SwiftieHusband

Sleep deprivation is the norm. Alarms are set for all hours of the night (yes, often 2am) to coincide with new music video releases, to watch interviews on random TV shows, or to tune in to @YouTube broadcasts. #SwiftieHusband

You begin to realise how much money could be made off Taylor Swift album release advent calendars. #SwiftieHusband

There were five holes in the fence. #SwiftieHusband

Hair will be dyed pink. Nails will be painted paisley. And not just yours. Hers too.
Friends will be enlisted to mule merch back from overseas.
There will be talk of matching butterfly back tattoos. #SwiftieHusband

After a tough day in the office, you will be consoled with advice such as: “Take a deep breath, girl!” or “Shake it off.” #SwiftieHusband

You dislike Calvin Harris. You don’t know why. But you do. Dick. #SwiftieHusband

When your wife says something like: “Oh, this bish is just dragging us now!”
“This bish” is always Taylor Alison Swift.
“Us” is not you and her.
“Us” is the millions of random Swifties around the world. And her.
#SwiftieHusband

You know who Selena, Gigi, Cara, Ed, and Lily are without having to ask for surnames.
#SwiftieHusband

Every time you visit a new city, you are sent to ask the hotel concierge or local tourist info office if there is a “dive bar on the East side”. #SwiftieHusband

You learn to always carry tissues. Because Delicate could be played at any random moment - over the radio, in a shopping mall, at a restaurant - and there will be tears. #SwiftieHusband

You find yourself unexpectedly interjecting strange terms and phrases into your conversations. For instance, at a client meeting discussing a major issue that has been resolved, you’ll inadvertently say, “Are we out of the woods yet?”
#SwiftieHusband

All logic, reason and rationality will exit your life. Don’t question why. Just accept it. Your world is now governed by whatever is happening on @taylornation13. #SwiftieHusband

@taylornation13 To ensure that you can remain a part of your wife’s life, and maintain the natural harmony of your home, you feel compelled to follow @taylorswift13 on every digital platform. #SwiftieHusband

Without realising it, you begin counting CAPITALISED letters in tweets. You question the relevance of a star in an Instagram post.
You scour lyrics & listen to songs, searching for meaning.
And then you wonder what your life has become. #SwiftieHusband

And then it hits you. Like a screaming, crying, perfect storm. You are no longer a #SwiftieHusband. Like your wife, you have become a crackhead #Swiftie...