Thread by @BarryTuck

For many South Africans, and pretty much every South African woman, yesterday was harrowing. The terrible rape and murder of #UyineneMrwetyana and the abduction of 6 year old Amy-Lee de Jager brought into the spotlight the terrible fear that all South African women face daily.

And women took to social media to express their fear, mainly using the hashtag #MenAreTrash…
But perhaps the worst part (if it could get any worse) was the number of men who took umbrage to women speaking out.

It was despicable that in the midst of women expressing their worst fears and experiences, some men decided that, rather than listen and understand, they would take offence and respond with #NotAllMen.

We can get angry with these dudes.
We can vent our frustration at these valiant defenders of manhood.
We can threaten & shake our digital fists at these bros.
Or, perhaps, we can try to educate them.

Believe me, I am angry, but anger generally doesn’t accomplish much, so maybe it is time for a little bit of mansplaining. To the men. So here goes...

Dude. Bro. Buddy. I think you have missed the whole point of #MenAreTrash. The hashtag is not about attacking men. It is about pointing out a dire & endemic issue in our society where women are objectified, harassed, abused, assaulted, raped & murdered at epidemic proportions.

And in these instances, the perpetrators are men.
Yes.
Heterosexual men.
Like you & me, bro.
Every day, the women in my life tell me stories of harassment.

Of being cat-called as they walk down the street.
Of being groped in a bar.
Of being ridiculed.
Of being followed by a strange man.
Of having lewd comments directed at them.
Of being intimidated or threatened.
Of being sent dick pics or having men expose themselves to them.

And then there are the statistics. Every year there are over 45,000 reported rapes.
That’s a rape every 12 minutes.
Reported.
And that’s not even scratching the surface of good old-fashioned harassment and sexual assault…

#MenAreTrash is not about all men. (In fact, if you look really, really closely, you will notice that the hashtag doesn’t even include the word “all”). And it’s not about you, bro.

But it is about highlighting this terrible issue. It is about raising awareness and trying to evoke positive change through education, acknowledgement and understanding of this problem. And then hopefully action. By men. Because this shit begins and ends with us.

Bro, you or I could never comprehend what it feels like to be a woman in this world - to take a walk down the street, go for a jog, or walk into a bar knowing that 50% of the population is physically stronger than us and a potential threat to us.

But we can try and empathise. We can try and understand what women face every day and stand by women to bring an end to this.

Dude, think about how you would feel going to prison, knowing that any man in there is a possible danger - a potential threat to you of physical or sexual violence. Pretty terrifying, right?
That is how women feel every day.
Out there in the real world.
With us.

Buddy, this isn’t about you. It is about listening, empathising, acknowledging the issue, and (at the very least) not standing against what the women in this country (and world) are trying to do.

But when you say #NotAllMen, that is you deciding to make it about you. That is you choosing to take it personally. That is you not listening to what women are saying.

That is you trying to rationalise it away as identity politics. An unfair generalisation. An attack on your bros. Or an attack on you. Because you are insulted. Because your feelings are hurt. Because you’re not trash.

And this is at the centre of the very issue that every woman in our society faces every day.
They speak out against harassment, assault, rape and murder, and the thing that upsets you is a hashtag.

If you are not trash, then you would stand beside women and say, “How can I help? What can I do?”

Instead, you choose to not listen. You choose to call women out and attack them online. You choose to stand against them, against everyone defending them, and against what they are trying to do.
Your chosen stance is #NotAllMen.
And therein lies the problem.
You.

PS: Something that just occurred to me thanks to @roshOPC... If you want to share this, feel free to copy and paste it. It’s not about me. It’s not about recognition or credit. It’s about fixing a problem. So take the words, make them your own, and spread the message.