Thread by @DrLeeVee

#TravellingWhileBlack
I stand alone in the art gallery deep in thought
Suddenly a hand caresses my hair, like a lover, from behind
I turn horrified
I see the security guard.
A giant of a man in all directions
Smiling...

He introduces himself
'Where are you from' he says
I think 'here we go'
But I'm also thinking
He is blocking the only way out of here
And
Why the fuck was I so slow in the gallery?

My eyes frantically search for anyone from my group but I am alone
So I start to politely answer his questions hoping he will move...

I am from Liverpool England
Laughter
No, where are you really from?
My family are from all over the world
I would like to know.
Ok well, Barbados, Panama, Yemen, Ireland...
Wow. I know Yemen. Proud men. Love knives.
I saw your face & I knew. This is no African....

All I can think is 'Get me the fuck out of here'

But he still blocks my exit
And being me I say..

I would disagree.

No. No.
Your face, your smile, your hair, your lips. I knew. I see other places. Not African with their faces like (screws up face and pouts lips)

I look at him disgusted.

I disagree I say
He steps aside....

As I walk through relieved to be freed,
he pats my arse.
It's funny how rage & fear work together
There are 100 steep stone steps to take me back to street level
I am 5ft nothin in a long evening dress
I see myself running & falling up/down them steps & ending up in A&E...

'I would like to give you something from my grandmother'
This shit is getting more and more weird.
He goes to his bag and brings out a dried pod which looks like tamarind.
'You can crush it to make cake or eat it. It is sweet. Try'

My brain, through the red mist, is trying to calculate my best options...

I ultimately think,
I need to avoid conflict with this man.

Too many things are stacked against me if he turns really nasty.

So I smile, say Hvala, take the pod and walk as quickly as I can up the stairs.
I get onto the street, see the group, say nothing and walk back to my apartment.

Angry with myself for not calling this guy out for his racism and sexism, as I would normally have done, but knowing I did what I had to do to get out of the situation unscathed.

Now this may not have been the most violent of situations but to me there was always that potential.
It's how the combined racism and sexism of misogynoir works.

So when people say of women who were raped, why didn't she fight back? Or women who experience verbal sexual abuse and ignore it or even smile.
Understand this.
You are just thinking, how do I get out of this alive?

The lesson here for academic conferences, esp those spending lots of time talking about racism and patriarchy, think about the dangers to #women and #BlackAcademics...