Thread by @_MuSunnah

THREAD:

Benefits from ‘Upholding Marriages’ – a Live Lecture by Ustādh Abū Ḥakīm.

(1): The affair of upholding marriages is fundamental to our societal wellbeing.

(2): One of the problems in being raised in the West is that we understand the Sunnah in terms of worship and creed but when it comes to marital affairs we automatically return to what we were brought up upon [as opposed to religious texts].

(3): It is important that we understand how the Messenger of Allah dealt with his wives. This is from the many wisdoms behind him marrying multiple women; there were many narrators to tell the people what occurred between him and his wives.

(4): Orientalists try to weaken the resolve of the believer with regard to this affair [of the Prophet's many marriages] but the Prophet is a good example for us to follow [Surah al-Ahzab (33:21)].

(5): The Prophet would enter upon his wives after the sun rose, give them salām and then make du’ā for them.

(6): It is possible that a man enters upon his wife, gives her salām and during his speech he makes du’ā for her. When she hears that du’ā from him it opens the door of love.

(7): Without a doubt it will instill love and depending on the du’ā the love may increase.

(8): The origin as it relates to division between wives is that it is in relation to the night. The scholars differ as to whether the day, likewise, should be split between the days.

(9): Since the day is spent seeking rizq the majority of scholars mention that the day is not split in the way the night is.

(10): Ibn ‘Abbās and ‘Ā’ishah narrated that the Prophet would enter upon his wives after Fajr (Ibn ‘Abbās) and ‘Asr (‘Ā’ishah). Thus, he would enter upon them after he rested (i.e. during the night before Fajr and the qayloolah - afternoon nap - before ‘Asr).

(11): The Prophet was a man who interacted with his family. This is something important. The affair of marriage should not be a formal relationship. “We are married. She is my wife and I am her husband. I work and she looks after the home.”

(12): Rather, the Prophet befriended his wife and she was his friend.

(13): When you seek marriage this is something you should consider. It is not just about “can he look after me?”, etc. Rather, one should look for a companion, a friend.

(14): One of the things that comes to the mind when it comes to “home” should be tranquility, family, my wife, my children, etc.

(15):

“And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect.”

(Surah ar-Room)

(16): It should be about love, mercy, happiness and tranquility.

(17): The origin is that the affair should love, mercy, happiness and tranquility should be established in a marriage. It should not just the case that “we get on with it.”

(18): There is an impression that the Prophet was a serious character who would not smile, etc. Rather, ‘Ā’ishah narrated that he would laugh and smile.

He was a nice and happy man.

(19): The Sahabah used to love the Prophet. His mannerisms, his character, how he was…they loved him. He was a beautiful character.

(20): The Prophet would forgive, overlook and disregard. He would overlook the things people take an issue with.

(21): ‘Ā’ishah described the Prophet as being happy with his family and gentle and forgiving with the people.

There is no doubt as to why the Sahabah loved him.

(22):

“And verily, you (i.e. the Prophet) are on an exalted standard of character.”

(Surah al-Qalam).

(23): Ā'ishah mentioned she was jealous of Khadījah because the Prophet would mention her often despite never seeing her.

Here, the people of knowledge explain that the Prophet would express the love for his loved ones.

(24): He would express his love for his family to those who were his family and those who were not his family. The Prophet would praise Khadījah.

(25): Even after Khadījah passed away the Prophet continued with good character to the friends of Khadījah.

(26): This would make Ā’ishah jealous even though Khadījah had passed. Ā’ishah said:

“It is as if there is no other women in the world except for Khadījah.”

(27): The Prophet would explain himself even though he did not have to. This is an evidence of his good character.

(28): The Prophet did not forget the good Khadījah did for him and he would mention them: (1) her īmān and (2) her actions.

(29): The Prophet returned the love he had for Khadījah to Allāh. This is something we must consider when looking at love between spouses. Allāh is the One Who instills such love. If the love has been removed then the first person we should question is ourselves.

(30): We should ask, “Why has Allāh removed or lessened the love my spouse had for me?”

(31): The Prophet said he loves ‘Ā’ishah the most. Thereafter, Abū Bakr.

The Prophet did not hesitate to say the one he loved the most was his wife. It did not reduce his manlihood.

(32): This is because a good wife is from the four affairs that are from happiness as comes in the hadīth of the Prophet wherein he mentioned four things are from bliss:

1. Good woman
2. Spacious home
3. Good neighbours
4. Good riding beast

(33): Our affair should be between:

1. Breadwinning
2. Home
3. Masjid

Yes, we can have companions but it should not override these three things.

(34): None of what the Prophet did with his family opposed taqwā.

Ibn Hajr: The Prophet feared Allāh the most but he married plentifully.

(35): The Arab would praise a man who married plentifully as it was a sign of his manhood. However, the Prophet having multiple wives did not prevent him from worshipping Allāh.

(36): Today, people are content with carrying out just the obligations. How much time do we take out to carry out the voluntary actions? After years, how much extra have we done? The Prophet had many wives but he still did the voluntary acts of worship in abundance.

(37): The Prophet would drink from the same vessel as Ā’ishah and would put his mouth where she put hers on the vessel.

(38): In addition, he would do this even though she was menstruating. Many men shy away from their wives in this regard when they are menstruating. The Prophet did not do this.

(39): This is because the menstruating of a woman is situated in one area. The Prophet said to Ā’ishah: “Your menstruation is not on your hand.”

(40): Rather, the Prophet turned the vessel to find the place Ā’ishah drank from and she observed this.

(41): Sometimes, it is these small things that are important.

(42): ‘Urwah asked whether a man can see the private parts of his wife and vice versa. Ā’ishah said, “I and the Messenger of Allāh used to make ghusl from one vessel and we were both in a state of janābah.”

(43): Ā’ishah indicated that the answer was yes via this hadīth but her noble character was implemented in the way she answered. In a narration he would race to the water and she would say “leave some for me! Leave some for me!”

A relationship of happiness!

(44): This was love, gentleness, friendship, joyfulness, playfulness…this was the house of the Messenger of Allāh.

(45): Abū Hakīm concluded with this narration.