Thread by @eketiette

What are the odds that three women would randomly meet in the same hair salon and each would talk about their boyfriend, who turns out to be the same man?

Now somebody's daughter can't go home until this gist is over.

Girlllll! Oh no, he didn't! Say what?

Someone's daughter finally got the whole gist.

I've been doing research for a new story series I'm working on. It's set in a local hair salon.
See enh, I used to think this city is low-key boring. Nah. I just wasn't going to the right places.

Hair salons? Fadalawd! The things my ears have heard. I don't want to give too much away, because una must buy the book when it's launched.

Is it the one where a man dragged his wife to change the weave she'd worn for six months? Egads! The salon stank when that thing came off.

Yes, the gist.

Fate was definitely at play here. Anyway, Lady 1, 2 and 3 come to the salon at different times. 1 and 3 are having weaves installed, 2 is making braids.

You know, I think hairdressers/barbers are undercover therapists, because clients always talk in their shops.

And women hair salons? No holds barred.

Gist was going on, regular stuff. Then the subject of men came up, finally. The particular topic was weasel boyfriends.

"The last one my guy just did, I don't think I will forgive him for now," says Lady 3.

"That idiot is saying he won't pay me my money that I borrowed him. In this economy, he thinks 200k is a small money that I can forget. And I suspect that he's carrying woman sef."

(I'm paraphrasing here).

My ears perk up. My bum unconsciously shifts my upper body forward.

Lady 2 shouts, "What?! 200k?! You give man 200k?! You no try o."

"He said he wanted to invest in his business. Business, I haven't seen, my money don enter voicemail. But I've told him that if I don't get my money by month end, me and him will have trouble.

Now I'm sitting there, wishing I was a man. I need someone to invest 200k in my business. But I've got twin girls on my chest and I'm lacking a certain staff of office.

At this point, Lady 1 pipes in. Her man is a good man, she says. He accepts and is like a father to her son.

She doesn't understand where "you people" (Lady 3), meet men like that. If it's her, she won't take that rubbish. Anyway, it can't even happen because her man takes care of everything she needs.

I'm sitting there like, damn this single to stupor! I need a man. 😭

God when?

But Lady 2 cuts short my God whenning. She drops a name.

"Michael doesn't know me. He will see my real colour if that money doesn't appear by this month's end."

"Your boyfriend's name is Michael? My guy too is Michael," says Lady 1.

"You don't mean it?! Wow. What a coincidence," replies Lady 3. "Where is he from?"

Lady 1 mentions the state. Someone gasps. It's Lady 2 who's been silent so far. But now her mouth is hanging open and she's shaking her head back and forth.

By now, my bumbum had shifted my body so far, I'm almost inside their collective mouths.

"No. Michael Ukpo*?" whispers Lady 2. Then she clears her throat and repeats her question. "Is he from..... in.....state? Your guy is Michael Ukpo?"

I'm like:

"Jesus!"
"Gini!"

I know say e no consine me but I supported them by adding my own exclamation.

"Elé!"

"Excuse me! Is this a joke or something?" barked Lady 1.

"Michael has finished me," Lady 3 says softly under her breath.

"Is this a joke?" Lady 1 repeats.

Beht auntie, she didn't start her comment with Haha, did she?"

"Ah! Michael, God will punish you!" Lady 2 screams, a throbbing vein on her forehead threatening to break skin and make an entrance into fresh air.

"It will not be be well with you, Michael."

There's now a mini pandémonium. Those who weren't paying attention want to know who Michael is.

Lady 1 has realised this isn't a joke. She's yelling for the truth at the top of her voice. Lady 2 is cursing. Lady 3 is slapping her thighs and shouting, hands on her head.

Me:

Then it hits me and I'm like:

Some semblance of peace is soon restored by the woman who owns the salon.

"Auntie, how do you know him?" she asks Lady 2.

"He's my boyfriend. Kai!" she bites her right forefinger. "Idiot that I suffered for."

Salon owner moves on to Lady 1. "Are you sure he's your boyfriend?"

"Am I sure? You're asking me if I'm sure that a man I'm housing is my boyfriend? Someone that I furnished his house? Even the pot he uses to cook, I bought it."

Erm....werreminit.

Is you or isn't you the one who said minutes ago that your man takes care of everything you need?"

We're all staring at her. But she's too angry to realise that she's boboed herself.

"I even took money from my savings that I don't touch and gave him to invest his business. What have I not done for that bastard! And he still had the guts to cheat on me."

"You also gave him money?" asks Lady 3, clapping her hand in amazement. "Wonders shall never cease! Maaaiiiikelll!"

"How much did you give him?" asks Hair Salon owner.

Pertinent question.

"Two million naira," Lady one replies, her voice low.

Me:

Everyone else is going:

"Ah!"

"What?!"

"TWO MILLIONNNN?!

Another round of mini pandémonium and monetary calculation. Lady 1 reaches for her bag and fishes out a phone. Then she orders us all to be quiet. Do we have a choice? We all shut up.

"Hello?"

"Abdul, it's me. Please I need you to help me with something. Is any of your trucks free? I want you to help me move some things to my house.

Eh....yes. From Jabi. Yeah.

Mmmhhm....today. Ehen? That's fine. OK. I'll be waiting for your call."

She ends the call.

Let me summarise this part...I want to gaan sleep abeg.

Auntie Lady 1 made arrangements to move every single item from Michael's house to her house.

Lady 2 then informed them that there was a Lady 4, who is currently pregnant for Michael.

And so broke out another round of screams of anger, disbelief, flabbergastment, curses....
Then they settled down to plan their revenge, while the rest of us listened with rapt attention.

The way I was feeling, I may join them sef. Michael....you no try!

They exchanged numbers. Lady 1, the angriest of them, was elected the chairman of the Revenge Committee.
No one elected me, but I've appointed myself as the Official Cheerleader.

They'll be meeting tomorrow to discuss plans. Later this week, I'll return to the salon for updates.

For now, I'll lie here in bed and contemplate the pros and cons of this single life, and how I've just given you guys a juicy chapter of my series for free

The End.

But seriously....Michael!

And Abuja women and paying rent/giving men money for investment. SMH

The real End.

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