Thread by @gradydoctor

1/
#AmazingGrady, Day 10

Me: "Hey there. Just came back to check on you."
Him: "Lawd. Did you come back to bug me about that pill some more?"
Me: "You mean the PrEP? Nah. Well. I mean, I do want you to take it. But I legit came to check on you."
Him: "Mmmm hmmmm."

*laughter*

2/
Him: "You a dog on a bone, you know that?"
Me: "Me?"
Him: "Yeah, YOU. But for real. . .I'm pretty low key. I don't need that pill. I ain't out like that, feel me?"

*silence*

Him: "What?"
Me: *shrugs*
Him: "Why you so pressed for me to take this pill?"

3/
Me: "Because. I care about you."

*silence*

Me: "So--tell me again why you aren't feeling it?"
Him: "I don't want nobody experimenting on me. Or using me to get paid."
Me: " Tell me what you mean by that."
Him: "Look. I ain't even out like that. So I'm good." *turns up TV*

4/
Me: "I was coming to see how your nausea was. Did the medicine we gave you help?"
Him: "A lot, thanks."

*silence*

Him: "Let me ask you something."
Me: "I'm listening."
Him: "If I was your brother--or your son. . . would you be wanting me to take this prevention pill?"

5/
Me: "Oh hells yes."
Him: *laughter* "Wait. Can you say that?"
Me: "Probably not. Unless you're talking about PrEP."

*laughter*

Him: "Real talk. So even if he wasn't with a whole lot of different folks like that?"
Me: "I would."
Him: "Would you take it yourself?"

6/
My immediate thought was that I would. But, to honor his question, I decided to be honest. As a cisgender woman in a monogamous relationship with a man, I'd never really had to imagine myself taking PrEP. Which means I hadn't fully considered what I was asking of him.

Nope.

7/
And so. I told him just that.

But then, after thinking, I told him how I felt.

Me: "I would."
Him: "You would?"
Me: "I would."

*silence*

I told him about some of the side effects. And admitted that I hate the feeling of nausea so that might give me pause.

8/
He asked if I thought it was all an experiment like Tuskegee. I paused to respect the question.

Me: "No. I don't think so."
Him: "That was crazy what happened to those brothers."
Me: *shaking my head* "Awful."

*silence*

Me: "You know? My granddad was in Tuskegee then."

9/
Him: "Word? Was he experimented on?"
Me: "Fortunately no. He was a college student there, though."
Him: "Damn."

*silence*

Him: "Okay, but what if I ain't even with a lot of people like that?"
Me: "I don't want you to think I think that."
Him: *sighs*

10/
Him: "You ever think about what if your granddaddy had got shot up with syphilis, too?"
Me: "Honestly? Before this minute? Not fully."
Him: "I be scared of all this stuff coming out. How am I supposed to know this ain't the same thing?"

*silence*

What do you say to that?

11/
So here's what happened next:

I acknowledged his concerns and the atrocities that happened to men like him in the name of science. I listened. I spoke to #ID and gathered more expert advice and came back with more information.

And asked him to think about it.

12/
Him: "I haven't made up my mind yet. But I'm thinking on it."
Me: *nods*
Him: "I 'preciate you being a dog on a bone."

*laughter*

Him: "Hey--I'm glad your granddaddy wasn't in that number."
Me: *silence*
Him: "Real talk? People be scared for a reason, feel me?"

Facts.

Last:

This patient was in a high risk group. I'm grateful that he shared his valid concerns with me. Sometimes I get so hyperfocused on getting patients to yes without respecting their valid why.

But real talk? People be scared for a reason.

Yeah.

#workinprogress #PrEP

Added reflection:

Here’s an image of my grandparents taken on the campus of Tuskegee circa 1941.

Just thought of this. . . My OWN mom was born IN Tuskegee IN the study hospital in 1947—the very same year penicillin became standard tx for syphilis.

Dang.
🤔😯 #truestory