Thread by @mcjulie

I finished entering book edits, @tgshepherdvan, so here I go on this nonsense, wheeeeee!
huffpost.com/entry/women-er…

@tgshepherdvan One of the things I find perpetually fascinating -- and by fascinating, I mean, frustrating & infuriating -- is the way
our patriarchal culture's solution to EVERY problem is "tell a woman to do a thing"

@tgshepherdvan Men aren't giving you respect? Demand it! Men are objectifying you? Don't flaunt your sexuality with your clothing! Men are harassing you? Don't let it get to you!

@tgshepherdvan There's this perpetual frame that men will just act like jerks all the time and there's nothing anybody can do about it, and our only option is to manage them -- you know, somehow manipulate or trick them so that they DON'T act like jerks.

@tgshepherdvan And there's simultaneously this idea that it all comes naturally to us -- this micromanaging of male behavior -- and also, that it's all completely new and novel.

@tgshepherdvan As if we have literally never heard advice like "Be stylish but not too sexual! Be approachable but not too friendly! Be aggressive, but not too aggressive!"

@tgshepherdvan But our behavior is always judged in light of the effect. If we put great care into dressing "stylish but not too sexual" and some guy comes onto us anyway, the conclusion is always that we must have gotten it wrong, been too sexual, stupid slut, don't you know any better?

@tgshepherdvan Programs like this, to me, often have a disturbing whiff of being Christian patriarchy with the God bits shaved off. For example, a phrase like “sexuality scrambles the mind" seems a fairly obvious product of purity culture.

@tgshepherdvan Not "keep sex out of the workplace," but "sexuality scrambles the mind." As if a person ever ceases to HAVE a sexuality. As if sex is a **uniquely** disruptive aspect of the human condition.

@tgshepherdvan You know what scrambles the mind? Hunger, fatigue, rage, stress, the crushing fascist takeover of the United States, grief, fear, burnout...

@tgshepherdvan The idea that sex has this completely singular place in the human mind is very pervasive in modern western Christian cultures, but I think that's mostly just patriarchy talking.

@tgshepherdvan If you characterize sex (as opposed to money) as UNIQUELY powerful, then characterize women as the unworthy keepers of that power, that provides your justification for patriarchal controls right there.

@tgshepherdvan Sexuality scrambles the mind! And the sight of a woman's bare flesh is sexuality! That's why we have to shroud women from head to toe in these big veils!

@tgshepherdvan Oh, wait, not just Christianity. Hmm.
Well, moving on. "Attendees were even told that women’s brains are 6% to 11% smaller than men’s" a factoid with no conceivable purpose other than to make women feel less intelligent than men.

@tgshepherdvan "Intelligence" is a slippery concept anyway, and individual human brain size has nothing to do with it.

@tgshepherdvan This technically true factoid is followed up with my absolute **favorite** kind of patriarchal bullshit, the completely fact-free weirdo gender binary analogy delivered as essential Truth!

@tgshepherdvan "Women’s brains absorb information like pancakes soak up syrup so it’s hard for them to focus"

"Men’s brains are more like waffles. They’re better able to focus because the information collects in each little waffle square."

@tgshepherdvan I guess it's my 6% smaller brain or something, because WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT EVEN MEAN

@tgshepherdvan There are some real gender differences, cognitively, that I know of (with the caveat that my information could be out of date), and they have nothing to do with waffles.

@tgshepherdvan Specifically, men are generally better at the kind of spatial processing that leads one to be able to parallel park, and women are generally better at the kind of visual processing that allows one to scan a room and spot where the keys are.

@tgshepherdvan But even a gender difference like that is just a kind of vague statistical tendency, and there are plenty of men who can't parallel park either.

@tgshepherdvan Anyway, my favorite part of this nonsense is the "masculine/feminine score sheet" because OH MY GOD SUCH NONSENSE it is.

@tgshepherdvan I'm going to PRETEND TO TAKE THE QUIZ. Just imagine. I'm at a seminar. They hand me this thing. My eyeballs roll around in my head so hard I think they're going to pop right out.

@tgshepherdvan Rate yourself from 1 (low) to 5 (high) on these gendered characteristics! We'll start with the "Feminine" side.

@tgshepherdvan Affectionate -- uh, I'm kind of Scandinavian in temperament, so I'm gonna say... 1? I mean, I'm kind of sentimental, but "affectionate" just doesn't seem accurate at all. Maybe 2? Affectionate in what way?

@tgshepherdvan Cheerful -- another 1, I really don't think "cheerful" is how most people would describe me, but still, this sheet has a very definite "how accurate is self-reporting really" problem.

@tgshepherdvan Childlike -- GOOD LORD WHAT THE HELL HOW ARE THESE "FEMININE"
Anyway, this is a 0 which isn't even an option, but I've never been "childlike" even when I was a child. Immature, maybe. But even as a child I was gloomy and morose.

@tgshepherdvan Compassionate -- I think I'm pretty compassionate so, uh, 4? And why are we making "compassionate" a feminine trait that seems like defacto permission for dudes to be assholes.

@tgshepherdvan Does not use harsh language -- wait, do you mean, like, swearing? Or what? This is a very bad quiz even without the stupid gender binary nonsense.

@tgshepherdvan Eager to soothe hurt feelings -- another 0. Are we even allowed to score 0? It doesn't look like it. That seems like a serious problem. You need a "not at all" value. Anyway, "eager to soothe hurt feelings" sounds to me like the exact opposite of me, but who knows?

@tgshepherdvan Femininity -- what does that mean in this context? This whole column is supposed to be "femininity" isn't it? Are they talking about appearance or what?

@tgshepherdvan Anyway, I think I might be able to go to sleep finally so I'll pick this up later.

Is "sleepy" masculine or feminine?
How about "exhausted"?

@tgshepherdvan Waiting for coffee & I'm back! Where were we? Oh yeah, rate yourself on the strict gender binary.

@tgshepherdvan The thing is, I already know how I rate on such a test and it's never super into the feminine range, because it never has been. I've never been very "ladylike" just ask my mom.

@tgshepherdvan And it's not a gender identity thing either. I know I'm cis because when I was maybe 12 or so I sat down and thought about all the trouble I was going through and wondered "would I be better off as a boy?" and the answer was a definite no.

@tgshepherdvan I was thinking in SF alternate universe terms, but I still think that's the kind of question that gives your brain a chance to hop up and say something about your gender identity.

@tgshepherdvan At the time, I concluded that everything in my life would be just as terrible, but different, if I were a boy.

@tgshepherdvan I knew I didn't FIT into my social environment at church or school or, increasingly, at home, but most of that didn't seem to be because I was female per se, it was because I wasn't female according to the box that had been prepared for me to get into.

@tgshepherdvan But, had I been a boy, with my same personality, I wouldn't have fit well into the boy box either.
And yet on a list like this I come off as a lot more masculine than feminine, because of how they've done the list.

@tgshepherdvan On the "feminine" side they have only three traits that would merit a 5 for me: Compassionate, Loyal, and Shy. Although "loyal" isn't usually on the female list, to be honest, where do they GET this stuff?

@tgshepherdvan Then there are a handful that are kinda sorta. Loves children, Sympathetic, Sensitive to the needs of others. It feels like "being a nice person" is stereotyped as feminine here and I don't like that at ALL.

@tgshepherdvan There are several traits that really shouldn't be gendered -- Affectionate, Cheerrful, Warm, how are those feminine? They're just a personality type. But not my personality. I'm guarded, gloomy, and emotionally cautious. (I fit Swedish stereotypes)

@tgshepherdvan Then, there are all the "feminine" traits that are gendered as "these are the qualities we WANT women to have" and that's where I start to get angry. Does not use harsh language, Eager to soothe hurt feelings --

@tgshepherdvan (note: it drives me NUTS that these characteristics are not a true parallel, that is, you can't plug them into the same place in a sentence, Mad Libs style.)

@tgshepherdvan Like, if that sentence is "I am [x]" you can say" "I am tender" or "I am soft-spoken" but you can't say "I am femininity" or "I am does not use harsh language"

@tgshepherdvan The two that enrage me the most in this category are Understanding and Yielding because they're basically the "let me, the man, do whatever I want and pretend it's your naturally feminine nature" traits.

@tgshepherdvan Looked at another way, "understanding" means "I won't challenge you even when you're wrong" and "yielding" means "giving up."

@tgshepherdvan But the worst ones on this list fit into the "downright insulting" category: Childlike, Flatterable, Gullible

@tgshepherdvan Flatterable. Gullible.

Narcissistic traits.

And, while women certainly CAN be narcissists... well, observe the bellowing narcissist-in-chief & tell me again how that's coded "feminine"

@tgshepherdvan Meanwhile, over on the masculine side, we have only two that could be sort of maybe be considered negative depending on the circumstances: aggressive & dominant.

@tgshepherdvan But, unlike "gullible" or "susceptible to flattery" both aggression and domination are treated as things that are good when properly applied. Like, how a woman should be sexy but not too sexy? A man should be aggressive but not too aggressive.

@tgshepherdvan And a man should be dominant without being dominATING and what's the difference? Hell if I know. Ask the Christian patriarchy folks.

@tgshepherdvan I don't really think of myself as aggressive & dominant, BUT I do have a very, very negative, you might even say aggressive, reaction when other people try to dominate me. Like, if you want to see me lose my temper, that's how you do it.

@tgshepherdvan ALL leadership and decision-making qualities are placed over on the masculine side. Acts as a leader,
has leadership abilities, assertive, ambitious, competitive, makes decisions easily, willing to take a stand, willing to take risks, strong personality, forceful.

@tgshepherdvan How much do any of those fit me? I don't know, but the collection FEELS more like me to me than the other collection. Like, am I ambitious? Sure? Do I have a strong personality? Probably. Do I take a stand? You bet!

@tgshepherdvan I'm not always UP for leadership or decision-making, but that's mood based a lot of the time. A list like this pits "masculine" take charge traits against "feminine" follow-the-leader traits, when for me, it's more like "take charge" vs. "leave me the hell alone"

@tgshepherdvan I'm extremely offended on behalf of femininity to have "defends one’s beliefs" characterized as masculine, and also, looking at the history of social activism, HOW.

@tgshepherdvan Women had to "defend our beliefs" just to have basic civil rights like the right to vote. But, okay, that's never been seen as "feminine" has it?

@tgshepherdvan This list codes "athletic" as masculine. Which, maybe? But it's weird, because if you redefine athletic ever so slightly as "into fitness" suddenly it's feminine again.

@tgshepherdvan And that's exactly why a list like this is going to be so incredibly garbage. As a society, we generally correctly recognize that the things we think of as "feminine" and "masculine" overlap hugely, but we tend to characterize them differently.

@tgshepherdvan Like, a woman might be "tender" but a man would be "thoughtful" or "kind." A man might be "aggressive" or "strong-willed" but a woman is "bitchy." A man has "leadership qualities" but a woman is a "troublemaker."

@tgshepherdvan That's the kind of list that would actually be useful in a class like this, something pointing out how the same qualities are characterized differently in women vs. men.

@tgshepherdvan The list has "analytical" on the masculine side which, probably it is, but it's why I was never very good at being feminine -- because being "analytical" is one of my most notable traits since early childhood.

@tgshepherdvan But think about that. Think about how characterizing a very basic STEM-y characteristic as "masculine" works to keep women out of STEM classes & STEM fields.

@tgshepherdvan But also think about how that means we fail to recognize that things like English lit or sociology, which are coded more feminine, also require analytical thinking.

@tgshepherdvan Finally, a bunch of "masculine" characteristics that are all kind of the same thing: independent, individualistic, self-reliant, self-sufficient.

@tgshepherdvan All leadership qualities are "masculine" but also all "leave me the hell alone" qualities are "masculine" how does that work exactly?

@tgshepherdvan And, just like I would have done in real life, instead of really taking the quiz I got distracted by meta-analysis of the quiz and disgusted by the sexist thinking on display.

@tgshepherdvan Raising your hand in the seminar and suggesting ever-so-gently that the quiz itself is garbage -- is that masculine or feminine?

The end.