Thread by @thearmchaircom

So...what I believe that the screenshot is really saying is this:

“I want to feel like, as a spiritual leader, I’m part of your life. So when you make decisions and don’t invite me into the process I feel left out.”

That seems innocent but it ain’t.

https://twitter.com/andrehenry/status/1207055835777552384

Because the subtext here is that the “decisions,” affect the pastor in some way...usually that you’re leaving the church or stepping down from a ministry. And I would say that this for this specific leader, it’s even a complaint when people in “leadership” do this.

I went to a church and served under a pastor who said something VERY similar to me. We ended up leaving the church.

For seminary, I had to do an apprenticeship. My church did not meet the qualifications, so I did it at another local church.

I was actually approached by a church plant to come on and help them. It would be a year long thing. I emailed the campus pastor at my church as a courtesy to let him know becausey family would still be attending and I wouldn’t. I didn’t want my absence to seem awkward.

Anyway, a few months after I started the internship, my husband and I were at a reception for the team he served on at a restaurant. The pastor sat behind me and starts talking to me.

The conversation was basically him expressing that he felt some kind of way about me not letting him know. He didn’t say that specifically but that’s what it was. To be clear this was the senior pastor and not the campus pastor that I had already contacted.

I have actually known the senior pastor for many years and he gave me my start in ministry even when others opposed him (something he reminded me of in the conversation).

Although I thought the convo was weird or whatever, I was like okay cool. I’ll keep him in the loop.

Like in terms of what was happening in life. I thought that perhaps he was poorly expressing that he just wanted to feel like he was part of our lives.

So I would text him when stuff came up. Like when I got my first HuffPost byline and such. Didn’t seem to show much interest.

Was transparent about not being sure if I would return after my internship. BECAUSE HE WANTED TO KNOW. Or at least I thought.

But really it was not wanting to know, but to control. And when he saw that I could not be controlled. He had no use for me as a leader.

I have a whole thread about what happened. I’ll attach it at the end when I find it.

Anyway, back to the pastor in the tweet (who I am familiar with...and interestingly my old church went to one of his church’s events recently but anyway...)...

We can talk all day about good intentions or whatever. I’m not here to judge his heart or intent. But this is poor praxis. It creates an air of control over people’s lives.

Because let’s be real, he doesn’t care about every decision that every person is facing...

Even if we narrowed it down to MAJOR decisions...a pastor doesn’t have the bandwidth for that. At all. Period.

The bottom line, and what he knows and all of us who have been in these contexts know, is that the “decisions” he cares about are what affect attendance or ministry.

There might be a few other things in there but those are the big ones. These pastors don’t care if you’re praying about a new job unless that job will affect your church life. They don’t care about whether you’re going back to school unless it can be used for clout.

I don’t mean to sound cynical, I’m just telling you what I see and what I’ve seen. That tweet is shaming people for setting healthy boundaries.

I will even be charitable and say that MAYBE he meant people making bad decisions that they knew a pastor would try to talk them out of...

Even if that we’re the case, this ain’t the way to get people to seek spiritual direction.

Spiritual guidance is a spiritual discipline. It is something that people have to learn and it has to be carried out in a healthy way. This tweet is evidence that there is probably not a healthy view of spiritual direction in this context.

A much healthier, less cultish version of this tweet might have been.

“Pastors love time pray for their congregations. Don’t hesitate to bring your prayer requests, especially those about big decisions to us. A good pastor will pray with you as you discern God’s will.”

Another possibility:

If your pastor isn’t willing to pray with you as you discern God’s will for your life, but only wants to comment on your decision, find a new pastor because they don’t care about you.”

Let me start closing now.

Your pastor should be doing what they can to pray with you and help you to discern God’s will. I’m thankful that, besides the pastor at my previous church, I have had pastors who have been there for me and helping me to discern God’s will.

I’m so thankful for the women and men who have been my pastors and who have helped me seek God’s will even when it didn’t directly benefit them or their church.

Let me go find that thread about why I left my previous church now.

Here’s the thread where I talk about what happened threadreaderapp.com/thread/1166155…