Anyway, it is indeed #timetotalk day. Easy to put the onus onto the person suffering to start the conversation but sometimes we can get too sick to do that. So if you want to be a good friend/colleague/whatever to someone, here are some things I’ve learned from my wonderful pals
People may well be more likely to turn to you if they know you’ve been sick at some point too - that’s defo been the case for me since I spoke out about my illness. But I think this is partly because people are often worried that talking to just anyone won’t go well.
And that can add to pressure on someone who is sick: I am not always well enough to support people who come to me and I dearly wish their friends were more open so they could provide better support.
So first thing is if you want your friends to take #timetotalk then they’re more likely to do so if you’re not the sort of person who ridicules apparent weakness, who sneers starts what is different or what they don’t understand, or who expects their friends to be ornaments
What if someone does come to you? The best things that my friends have done is just listen and tell me they care about me. The best ones are the ones who take a while to dive in with their own thoughts. That’s actually a trick not just from counselling but also interviewing
Counsellors often sit in silence after you finish what you think is your last sentence. Then what you’re really thinking kind of bubbles up into that pause. I find the same works when I interview people. Too much chat from you doesn’t help.
My closest friends have always asked me first “what do you think might help?” or “are there things you tend to do which you find help” rather than producing a list of solutions. The latter was a mistake I made a lot when I did pastoral work when I was younger.
If someone is in real crisis the same rule applies: ask first what they want to happen to them. Ask them what support they are already plugged into. In short, LISTEN.
Practical things you can offer to do: help that friend get help, whether that’s taking them to the doctor, helping them find a counsellor (waiting lists mean this can be *exhausting* for someone whose motivation levels may already be so low).
Important to look after your own mental hygiene too. It is incredibly hard supporting someone who is sick and it’s worth trying to make it a group effort
Have your own boundaries and be aware of things that may be particularly hard for you. There are certain situations where I know I can only offer limited help because they tend to bring back v traumatic memories for me and I end up getting v sick.
This is much easier if there are lots of people around who are willing to help and who are good at listening. Which is why we need to get better as a society at really understanding mental illness and what sufferers actually need, not what we think we should tell them.
Safety in numbers, innit.
Oh finally, be like this friend, who sent me this message last night 
