Just had a really nice cathartic convo w/ someone from my past. It healed a little part of my teenage wounds. I started this journey to deal with my early life trauma last year & it continues to be hard, but wow, I feel like I am breaking open & transforming in the process.
I had so much trauma & insecurity that I don’t even remember large chunks of my childhood & HS years. I realize that even the memories I do have are from this wounded perspective. I felt so scared & unsafe so often that now I don’t know when that was & was not warranted.
So if anyone knew me in HS before I was 21 and wants to privately tell me about what they saw in me, let me know. I hated myself so much & assumes everyone around me hated me too. Sigh. I am so glad to be an adult now, with a therapist.
Lastly, much of my trauma came from dealing with racism & sexism & homophobia as a closeted Black queer girl in a white Catholic community where I was constantly gaslighted about my oppression. So it was hard for me to have language for the ways I was being regularly harmed.
Healing is a trip but wow, so fucking worth it.
