Absolute banter! Giving the lads a lift to paintball and they're all pointing pipes of Pringles out of the windows pretending we're the gunners on a B17 Flying Fortress. Massive shout to tailgunner @MattHancock pointing two tubes of BBQ at a BMW from the open boot!
Matt Hancock has broken his arm. He fell out the boot at KFC drive-through. We've improvised a splint with a tube of sour cream and onion but he's lying in @JohnnyMercerUK's lap mumbling about updating his TikTok. Tryng to revive him with a can of evaporated milk from my footwell
We're in trouble. Redwood remembers Hancock is on Question Time tonight. I hastily assemble an IV drip using a carrier bag hung from the window handle, fill it with Monster and attach the hose from my petrol jerry can. It hits Hancock like a shot of adrenaline to the heart.
He sits bolt upright.
'Did we win?' he asks groggily.
'Paintball's off mate. We need to get you to Question Time, the public wants reassurance about Corona from the best'
Matt looks at his pringle encased arm. 'I don't know if I can do it Mark'
'Did we win?' he asks groggily.
'Paintball's off mate. We need to get you to Question Time, the public wants reassurance about Corona from the best'
Matt looks at his pringle encased arm. 'I don't know if I can do it Mark'
I wipe monster from his chin and fix him with a steely gaze. 'Don't underestimate how this country respects you Matt. With the current government, now more than ever: people need heroes'
It works. He puffs his cheeks & roars like a pine marten.
'Guys. Get me to Tumbridge Wells'
It works. He puffs his cheeks & roars like a pine marten.
'Guys. Get me to Tumbridge Wells'
