Thread by @rebeccarandel

1/ Thoughts about intimacy in the era of COVID...

First I'll share the serious stuff. In recent months as I reflected on being a #HighRiskCovid19 person, & the ongoing pandemic, I realized that if I were ever to date again, it might be difficult to find someone who would

2/ be willing to take precautions to keep me safe throughout the dating process. I'd need to wear a mask during the first few dates. I'd have to put off simple things like kissing until they took a Covid test. While dating, I'd need them to wear a mask whenever they were out

3/ and about, to keep me safe. I'd essentially need them to do a lot of things to keep me safe, in the early stages of dating, when they might not even know if they want to pursue a relationship w/ me. That's a lot to ask someone. Many people right now refuse to wear a mask, so

4/ what are the chances someone would be willing to wear a mask on dates w/me? Kinda slim. I've leaned on my spiritual practice to cultivate trust...to trust that there are people who are willing to accommodate folks like me in the dating process. I've never been one to always

5/ obsess about being in a relationship. When I am, that's nice, and when I'm not, I enjoy life, too. But #COVID has required me to reframe intimacy as a person who's at high risk of having a severe Covid infection. One of my docs doesn't think I'd survive it. So I don't think

6/ about this all the time. Just once in a while, like recently reflecting on the reality that I'll turn 50 in February. And much of the time, I'm not focused on my high risk status, I've just created new routines that are habitual by now. Just once in a while I remember both...

7/ ...that I have a high risk status, and I'm still single. And they can seem mutually exclusive...no overlap in the Venn diagram. But the reality is I *am* the overlap in the Venn diagram. It's my new reality during and probably forever post-Covid. So I think I'm still in the

8/ process of understanding what dating/relationship will look like for me in the future. I don't overthink it. It just bubbles up into my consciousness occasionally.

Now for the humorous side of this...if you google, 'You Can Leave Your Mask On,' on YouTube, you'll be

9/ pleasantly surprised that several artists have contributed their updated versions of the Randy Newman song, 'You Can Leave Your Hat On' (a longtime favorite of mine). One is for healthcare workers (take off your gloves, take off your hazmat suit), another one just changes

10/ 'hat' to 'mask.' The existence of these songs helps me realize I'm not alone & the reality for millions of us has changed. And these updated song versions are also affirming for me as a #HighRiskCovid19 woman. They can be my anthems for a new way to approach intimacy in the

11/ era of Covid. Maybe I'll sit down & get creative with some masks & jazz them up for a future 'leave my mask on' opportunity.😏🙃 I'm sharing this because I know there are millions like me, who have a high risk status, who might be wondering about the same thing. It's a

12/ sensitive topic, but I think it's high time we get comfortable talking about it. For folks who've contended with physical health challenges for many years pre-Covid (which I didn't), this topic is very familiar. I imagine that thinking about expressing one's sexuality while

13/ living with a physical disability/challenge can bring up all kinds of feelings, some of which must be difficult or uncomfortable. Sexual pleasure is a relatively taboo subject in the United States, and I know it's 10x as taboo to discuss sexual pleasure within the context of

14/ physical disability.... something we have to change. And now there are millions of people who have a high risk status, or who are living with #LongCovid, who will join this dialogue and journey about the reframing of intimacy in a pandemic. And I want to stress that

15/ navigating intimacy as a paraplegic or quadraplegic is worlds apart from the relatively minor challenge of wearing a mask during dates or sex. Intersectionality is always important, especially here. I just think it's important to realize that those who've been dialoguing

16/ about dating/sex/intimacy and disability for decades have paved the way for those of us who are newer to the 'reframing intimacy' conversation.

I hope in the coming years more of us will have less fear and more confidence about approaching intimacy from wherever we are.🙏🏾💕

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