Ok, I think I should do a thread to explain my position better for those who genuinely seek to understand.
I'll tell the short story of my first cousin and how that changed my mindset on parenting and expectations.
He was the first born, his parents weren't educated but his father used to say his son will read all the book he couldn't read.
He was the first born, his parents weren't educated but his father used to say his son will read all the book he couldn't read.
True to his words, he gave everything to my cousin, he was a farmer, he didn't send my cousins siblings to school bcos "when their brother hammer e go take care of them"
He sold some of his lands to ensure my cousin was a graduate.
He sold some of his lands to ensure my cousin was a graduate.
So he graduated from LAUTECH in 2009 and while he was in Uni my dad got him a part time job in WAPCO.
ALL his salary went to his siblings, now this is the norm as that was what his father wanted, but he couldn't do anything for himself and he was evidently stagnant.
ALL his salary went to his siblings, now this is the norm as that was what his father wanted, but he couldn't do anything for himself and he was evidently stagnant.
He wasn't fazed though, after all when he helps his next sibling, that one will get some weight off his shoulders, but what type of job will accelerate such comfort for an uneducated sibling?
So while he was in service he was still sending money to them, he was sound so he was taking about 20 students and making money.
Time to marry, there was a problem, wifey wanted them to live in Lagos, cousin can't afford, he has load on his neck.
Time to marry, there was a problem, wifey wanted them to live in Lagos, cousin can't afford, he has load on his neck.
He needed to double his hustle, whatever stress his parents thought education will lift off his shoulders, their reliance on him is making their plans ineffective.
He was not going to be ungrateful though, he kept pushing.
He was not going to be ungrateful though, he kept pushing.
Marriage was eventually cancelled, bride's wife doubted that he was financially capable enough to marry. He was in his late twenties, my mum told him "you are a man, you still have time."
After service in 2010, there was no job for a while as my dad had left WAPCO. He switched off his phone for a long time and moved to our house bcos the expectations were too much and he couldn't keep up.
He was my favorite cousin so we talked about everything, fast forward to 2011 October, I was dressing up for college when my dad walked into my room to inform me that my cousin was dead.
I'm sure you know what this meant to his parents and siblings right? Till date my mum pays the school fees of his last sibling, she should be in SS1 now I think.
Now, back to the matter. Parents are supposed to be a safety net, we often make jokes on social media about our the sons and daughters of rich people live a comfortable and mostly lavish life.
You and I know Dangote, Otedola, Adeleke, Adenuga etc are not expecting any child to take care of them "financially" when they are old.
They've made provisions for their unborn generation. I believe that should be the goal of parenting.
They've made provisions for their unborn generation. I believe that should be the goal of parenting.
Look, we will not all be as rich as Dangote and the likes, not even close. But we can work hard (slave) for our kids and still not be heavily reliant on them, it weighs them down and doesn't make them achieve their full potentials!
I understand the standard of living in Nigeria is nothing to write home about but do you know some parents procreate bcos "one of them go be millionaire" this is the mindset we need to attack.
A good number of first borns in Nigerian homes can't grow bcos they are burdened by siblings and parents that are dependent on them.
Take good care of your parents, they deserve it (rich or poor).
However, as a parent, you should know it is your responsibility to cater for this child and make them self sufficient without relying on you.
Give birth to children you can cater to adequately.
However, as a parent, you should know it is your responsibility to cater for this child and make them self sufficient without relying on you.
Give birth to children you can cater to adequately.
A rich man in the midst of 10 poor people is a poor man. He will be drowned in the poverty eventually.
We can do better, have kids, create inheritance for them, make them sufficient, it will pass on to the next generation, the poverty cycle will be broken.
We can do better, have kids, create inheritance for them, make them sufficient, it will pass on to the next generation, the poverty cycle will be broken.
But when your child is your sole investment, you stand a great risk of underachieving what you set out to achieve in the first place.
No one is saying children shouldn't take care of their parents.
No one is saying children shouldn't take care of their parents.
I will stop here for now, I may have dropped some part, but feel free to engage me, I'm happy to learn.
