Yesterday I got married. It was awesome. Everything went perfectly but it almost went horribly wrong. Here is the story of how chugging beer saved my wedding ceremony.
The ceremony is scheduled for 5:30. I get to Rowan Oak at about 4:30 and as soon as I get out of my car I hear music blasting. As I walk towards the house it gets louder.
There is a rager going maybe 20 yards from where I’m about to do the most important thing I will ever do. From this distance party is loud enough that people will think we chose Lil John tracks for the wedding processional.
My bride has not arrived and by god I don’t want this day ruined for her. A discussion ensues among myself and my groomsmen of what will fix this. We decide some of us will go over but we need a plan for how to best persuade them.
I decide that the minimum acceptable result is they turn it down for a half an hour. Our guests might overhear their music while taking their seats but at least the ceremony would be in the clear.
I’m going to start by just asking nicely and hope they aren’t jerks. My backup plan is to offer them money. In case they are aggressive I bring my most intimidating groomsmen. My groomsmen aren’t particularly intimidating so it’s just the groomsman with the most tattoos.
The wedding photographer is very interested in seeing how this plays out and he thinks it could make for some good pictures so he follows us. This means my success or failure in saving this wedding will be documented.
We follow the noise to a pool party and walk right in. This is probably a good time to mention we are wearing tuxedos. If you ever crash a pool party in a tux you will be noticed.
A guy runs up to me, looks very confused, then asks why we are there. I explain the situation, wedding, noise, etc.. He immediately shouts “Holy shit this guy is getting married!” A cheer goes up and suddenly we are in the middle of a crowd.
I explain again, this time to a group of about 25. I’m not sure if they’re going to buy into it and someone shouts, “Get him a beer!” A beer is found.
The crowd seems pretty sympathetic to the situation and I ask “So we are good, y’all will keep it down for a bit?” and someone piped up “Only if you chug that beer!”
I am now surrounded by most of the party who are all chanting “Chug! Chug! Chug!” I would have eaten the damn beer can to make sure my bride had the perfect wedding so the chug chant was unnecessary but appreciated.
I polish off the beer, toss the can into the air and the place explodes. These guys now want us to join their party. People are offering beer bongs, vodka shots and a pool noodle full of whiskey. Someone asks if I want to jump from the roof of the house into the pool.
I decline these offers since I have a wedding to get to and I probably shouldn’t be blind drunk and soaking wet. They all agree to keep it down and wish me luck. As we are leaving they start a Hotty Toddy. That was a nice touch.
As we are walking back the photographer says this is one of the most surreal things he’s ever seen when doing a wedding. He shows us some of the shots and they are as good as expected.
When we return to Rowan Oak the noise level is down. The music pipes up a bit at some point but immediately goes back down so they did keep their word. My wife has no idea about any of this until after the ceremony.
So yeah that is how chugging beer with a bunch of Sigma Chi at a pool party saved my wedding ceremony. If someone from Ole Miss Sigma Chi gets in touch with me I’ll give them a case beer leftover from my wedding.
Lots of people asking for the pics. I’ll absolutely post them when we get them but our photographer has to work their magic. In the meantime here is the sendoff photo they posted this morning.
instagram.com/p/BicNWOpHPms/
instagram.com/p/BicNWOpHPms/
As a post script, some guys from the party just picked up the gift beer and I made sure there was enough for everyone involved in the story. Enjoy one on us!
