Thread by @VABVOX

This is the only quiet time in the hospital. Vitals were at 4am. Shift change and blood work at 6am. Nurses are catching up on patient notes, so they're not talking. It's almost dark except for the heart monitor and the light under the door. Semi-peace before another day. 🏥💉💊

No one sleeps in hospital without medication. You feel your heart beating into the bed from tiredness. You just want to go home. Away from the sounds of other people's pain, from noise that is not your own, not familiar.

Make a decision now, no matter your age, to die at home.

Not that I am dying. Not now. But I am always reminded of when I was near-death in this same place & it's not a good memory.

Today is the anniversary of my father's death. He died on his mother's birthday.

I wish he had died sooner, because there is no rationale for suffering.

My father made me his medical power of attorney. I was the right choice because of my science background and my ability to look at the big picture. I was the wrong choice because I allowed emotion to cloud my judgement. I wish I had it to do over.

Don't do it if you can't do it.

I would do it again, but I would know the levels of responsibility and how daunting they are. Having someone else's life in your hands is an awesome task.

My father, who had been so active and full of life and who never stopped talking was in such misery. It wasn't right.

This is my dad. Socialist firebrand. Civil Rights worker. Philanderer. (Women loved him. He was handsome, funny, smart, talented.)

He's 27 here. Me on the left, baby sis on the right. He loved the beach, as did I. My mother & sis hated it.

He died 7yrs ago today.

I had to grab that pic off an old tweet from Veteran's Day. He also served in the Navy. And unlike Trump, he was a graduate of University of Pennsylvania, near the top of his class.

My dad was a great storyteller & had a big laugh. He was the guy everyone was around at parties.

A few months ago, one of my nieces texted me this pic of me and my dad at her bat mitzvah 16 years ago. She's now a Fulbright scholar and today is the 7th anniversary of his death.

I gave him a good funeral.

This is my baby nephew. He's named for my father. He's six months old and oh-so-darling. I wish my dad could have lived to see him.

Anniversaries of deaths are so complicated. I can still hear his laugh, though. And see him telling jokes. Memories are deceitful.

We need to do better for very sick people. There's too much needless suffering. Although I can remember my father before his final illness, mostly I remember that 18 months of his suffering and my not doing enough to prevent that because of pressures from others, like his wife.

People want to keep those they love alive at all costs. It's such an error. The final time I was going to put him back in hospital the doctor on call asked me why.She said I was just prolonging his suffering. I felt relief at her telling me, but the outrage from the fam was huge.

So "this is just a little sorrow," to quote Duran Duran. One vignette in one family's story.

Think about where you want to end up and how. Think about your medical power of attorney. About your family. About how you want to live out your final days.

Be mindful.