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Most recents (7)

I am going to watch Twilight.

I have never seen Twilight.

Pray for my soul.
What is happening

Like, what is happening
Oh, the doctor is a vampire, I guess

I would really like to chat with whoever did his makeup, please
Read 53 tweets
@Soundsaboutleft Anyway. We see Goneoff and the Dwarves fuck off as Billy trips balls. Billy is about to off the pathetic Gollum when he realizes a few things 1) Gollum can’t see him 2) Gollum looks so beautiful and 3) He can’t kill his fiancé.

So he jumps over Gollum and leaves.
@Soundsaboutleft Gollum is sad that Billy breaks off their engagement and leaves him at the altar.
Read 35 tweets
Webster’s Dictionary defines saga as:

a modern heroic narrative resembling the Icelandic saga
Or a long detailed account

Calling Twilight a saga is like calling me vomiting for a week straight a saga.

Let's watch this trash.

#Twilight #BreakingDawn Part 2 #TwilightOnNetflix.
These movies are the cinematic equivalent of someone taking a sledgehammer to my femur.

Painful, slows me down, and makes me wish the pain would stop.

Unlike being crippled, I should be able to recover from this trash soon enough.
Why do people like these movies? I would rather figure out how to have a crab navigator my small intestines while it held a switchblade than watch this again.
Read 180 tweets
So as you may know, SAR is supposed to review #Twilight #BreakingDawn tonight.

This is @Soundsaboutleft and the stench coming from his room is becoming overwhelming.

I'm just going to assume the worst and start this review.

Here's something I whipped up in memoriam.
I guess I should first say a few words. First of all, sounds about right was a lousy roommate. He constantly screamed in the night "I can't review them anymore! Make it stop."

In fact that's why I'm pretty sure things are gonna get awkward with the landlord soon.
You see for the last few weeks all I've heard from his room has been sobbing and Taco Bell wrappers crinkling and hard shell tacos being eaten.

Then him ripping ass.

Those noises stopped a bit ago and I sure as hell don't want to deal with what I find.
Read 159 tweets
So beings the live review of #Twilight #Eclipse from the #TwilightSaga on #TwilightOnNetflix.

I have no idea what this is about or why I subject myself to this, but I do have to talk about something important.

Qui huc intrasti omissa spe
Okay. Before we begin, I need to apologize to Kirsten Stewart. And this isn’t because I was threatened by a grove of sequoias who asked me if I wanted to know what a tree branch tasted going up the ole poop chute.
No, see. I was inform by an organization called People Against Wood Acting Insults. They told me that plank is considered one of the greatest actors to ever come out of the forest. Dare they say one of the best to ever perform in a Birchway Play.
Read 187 tweets
What time is it? It's time to review #Twilight #NewMoon on #Netflix. #TwilightSaga #TwilightOnNetflix

*long sigh*

Yep. Let me just...

*shudders*

Let me just go get ready. I'm doing this sober again.

*puts balled hand to mouth trying to hold back tears*

Let's do this.
Before I start I just have to say this.

*longer sigh*

I make bad life choices and that’s what you’re here for.
So tell your friends because I’m doing this for an audience of like 4 fans and this guy who keeps sending me DMs saying “New Moon Can’t Melt Steel Beams.” I don’t know what that means, but…just.

*sobs*

Why would I do this yet again? WHY? WHY????? WHY?????????????????????????
Read 209 tweets
The live review of #Twlight begins right now, but I uploaded a little interview with the vampire I did to get you started as I go get booze.

If this does well, I'll do the series.

If not? I'll find some other way to disappoint.

"I have no mouth and I must scream"
#Twilight from the #TwilightSaga stars Robert Pattingson and a stiff board called Kirsten Hungryman Tv Dinner.

It also stars my liver weeping in a corner.
We start with a voiceover by Bella that says “I never given much thought to dying.”

You never dealt with quarantine or an actual thought.
Read 210 tweets

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