The first time I ever smoked pot...
But I am not a smart man.
That's right. My dumbass was trying to impress a girl.
I was talking to this girl 300 miles away. And that's the girl I wanted to impress.
18-year-old me grabbed the fanciest bottle of liquor I could think of (Jaegermeister) and drove that 300 fucking mile stretch to see this girl
We drank the whole fucking bottle, sang and danced and ran around the hotel grounds like... Well, teens.
It didn't end as you might think. I was a timid lad back then, with absolutely zero moves.
Slept in separate beds and woke up with a monster hangover
God I miss those days.
Anyways, we went out to meet her dealer.
She hands him $20, he hands over a bag. She laughs and mentions its my first time.
His eyes go wide and he laughs.
"On the house for the first timer"
It's about 11pm. For whatever reason, we decide that we can't do this in the hotel. Or anywhere around the hotel.
We walk a mile away to a soccer field with no lights
It was PITCH black. Couldn't see her a foot away from me.
We got to talking, and I used to smoke cigarettes so it was a natural motion for me.
Few minutes went by.
She looked at me and I remember the first bit of panic was her saying just that
"YOU SMOKED THE WHOLE FUCKING THING?!"
Nothing had hit yet. I was fine.
There were rotating triangles of light above the trees that mingled with the bomb.
Water came up to my knees. I remember trying to walk, and it felt like wading.
I was still trying to figure out the concept of a room
With every step, I was aware of my whole body. I could feel my organs moving, and I could feel them working. I could feel them sloshing around inside me.
I could feel my hair growing. And my teeth grind.
I needed a break.
Cars that went by emitted a smell that smelled like headaches. The world was spinning, and I was holding on for dear life.
More important note: I was still trying to impress her, so I had said nothing about what was going on
I took the key out of my pocket, and I remember this moment exactly, because this is where I lost it
1. I am not going to end up impressing this girl
2. I am going to feel this way forever now
So I dropped it, and rested on the balcony railing. Just breathing
She was saying stuff to me, but I'll be fucked if I can remember it
So, I did the only thing rational
If this was going to be forever, I didn't want to be
So I tried to jump off the balcony
It must've looked really embarrassing, because I'm sure I was doing it REALLY SLOWLY
I felt her pull my collar and throw me into the room
I landed on my back, and looked up to see her looking down at me
I could've made this into a romantically inclined evening, if you get me
But instead, I vomited. Projectile.
I was not getting laid.
It was not pretty
Unthankfully, she was also pretty fucking high.
She started calling all her friends asking what to do.
Then she called all MY friends.
Words were just sausage. I couldn't understand them.
I heard one word.
It was louder than all the other words. It was said with anger, horror, shock, and concern.
So he gave me weed laced with mescaline.
Is this starting to make the first part of this make sense now?
I remember one brief snapshot of my thoughts. It was as follows:
Am I changed?
Am I ruined?
I can't stop thinking about Paul.
Do you think he knows this is happening?
I bet he's done this.
I don't like this
I became verbal again a few hours later
I remember when the sun came up, I felt like it was healing me
I was still high as fuck, but I had to drive 300 miles home.
I remember the cars on the freeway would switch places, shapes and colors
But, I made it home.
Fuck you, dealer