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Riaz Gilani @RiazGilani
, 8 tweets, 1 min read Read on Twitter
My dog has no nose.

How does he smell?

Terrible!
What's the best thing to put in a pie?

Your teeth!
Why did the boy take a ruler to bed with him?

He wanted to see how long he could sleep.
Why did the boy throw his alarm clock out of the window?

He wanted to see time fly.
Have you heard the story about the garbage dump?

It's just a pile of rubbish.
A horse walks into a bar.

The bartender looks at him and says:

Why the long face?
A man walks into a bar with a duck perched on his head.

The bartender says: "what's the story with you?"

The duck replies: "Well, it all started when I got a nasty pimple on my foot..."
How do you make holy water?

Boil the hell out of it.
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More from @RiazGilani see all

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[THREAD] So, there's a syndicate of crooks in #Kenya who have been cloning vehicle registration plates, and using random vehicles to commit crimes.
A few months ago, i had tweeted about being paid a visit at my place of business by two smartly dressed plain-clothes police officers and a Chinese national.
They said that they had "evidence" that a vehicle registered to me was involved in a house-breaking in Kilimani.
Read 58 tweets
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7 rhinos die after translocation to Tsavo. @coldtusker this is what I was asking about. These guys don't seem to have a CLUE what they're doing. The orphanage is run more like a zoo, and all priorities are now skewed. capitalfm.co.ke/news/2018/07/7…
So-called "conservationists" are jostling for position for the KWS directorship after that controversial mineral/tap water drama queen retired. I think we should just machine-gun all that's left of our wildlife because we aren't morally equipped to look after them.
Utterly ridiculous. When we see advertisements seeking opinions about culling wildlife for commercial purposes, it becomes clear that we are on a terribly slippery slope to oblivion. Shame, shame, shame on all of us.
Read 3 tweets
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When Netflix arrived and Multichoice started phoning me to ask why I wasn't a subscriber any more. I gave them feedback but they didn't listen. Such stupidness from Multichoice really. On demand content is the way of the future. No repeats. No fixed bouquets.
I know how it feels to have a struggling business - starting out was tough as hell. You think you know what a customer wants and you proceed that way, but fail to keep up with customer expectations. Like Nokia. Like BlackBerry. Arrogance.
They told me: "Netflix doesn't have live sport or news."
I replied: "I can stream most of that."
And they talked about exclusivity of certain content - which can be streamed as well.
Know all the answers? Not all of us are tech savvy, but know enough to see a raw deal.
Read 3 tweets

Related threads

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Boy, I wish I had the confidence of the pundits who are saying Rod Rosenstein wouldn't resign if he didn't know that Mueller's investigation was safe.
Sometimes it's less dramatic and more about projecting calm. This strikes me as more in the same vein as "Don't worry, Trump has secretly been put on house arrest and Orrin Hatch is the shadow president." Especially given some of the clods spreading it.

t's certainly possible that Rosenstein has convinced himself his presence no longer matters. But A of all, that doesn't mean that he's right and it could be either direction, and B, a lot of statements about what Trump can't do are based on predictions about what he won't do.
Read 16 tweets
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"Patreon + PayPal = Antitrust Violation (I'm done)" says the YouTuber Law channel
So @youtuberlaw quit Patreon in protest of recent events
So @youtuberlaw was VERY MUCH a "this is not as big of a deal as it seems" person when it came to all of this.

But based on the opening bit of his video? it sounds like he has been "red pilled"
Read 56 tweets
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Long Reads Sunday #25. Crypto winter is settling in thick and cold and this week, it’s all about competition for the narrative. How to address Bitcoin skeptics? Can Ethereum recover? Is crypto a tool for freedom, state power, or both? And WTF is 2019 going to be? Buckle up! 👇
2/ Let’s start with one of the most important threads you’ll read this bear market. @PeterMcCormack tells the tale of turning $32k to $1.2m to zero. In a week when so much is about narrative and spin, the unvarnished realness here is a breath of fresh air.
3/ Speaking of realness, @abztrdr really has a novelist's eye for detail and a poet’s sense of beauty to his own understated thread about the markets. Read this whole thread - I promise you’ll come away with all the feels.
Read 33 tweets
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Long thread warning. I want to connect a few dots. Some of this may get a little tin foil hat, so grains of salt and all that. Also, not everything has to be true for some of the connections to be relevant. Also, long thread. Long thread. 1/
Kavanaugh was one of the key players in getting SCOTUS to stop the 2000 Florida recount and anoint GWB (the same recount that would later prove GWB lost and the 2000 election was, effectively stolen). 2/
2000 was the first election where the GOP began to see fruit from the voter suppression trees they’d been planting. 12,000 FL voters were purged from the rolls under the guise that they’d been “confused” with felons. 3/
Read 39 tweets
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ooh, fun! if you're on a Review Board code review and you refresh the page (because a change has come in), it notices that you were on an old revision before, and "helpfully" keeps showing you that one instead of updating.
See?
I'm trying to read this change and my coworker is updating it faster than I can read it, so I'll never make it through.
this is a terrible UI design. "oh, you just refreshed the page, that must be because you're clumsy and hit F5 on accident, and not because you wanted to see new content, like why people normally refresh pages"
Read 3 tweets

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