Thread by @garius

Okay kids, it's time! The Conservative prospects have ALL done their ConHome interviews. So our last chance to see their (often) weird views on transport before the party spin machine tells them to focus on dogwhistle racism.

SO LETS GO ON A MONORAIL HUNT! /1

Now I know it's not yet 11am, but that DOESN'T mean this isn't a drinking game. So the normal rules apply. Even if all you have to hand is tea, you have to drink when someone says:

1) financial blackhole
2) driverless
3) strikes
4) something about how they love driving /2

Ready? Cool beans. So lets start with Andrew Rosindell, current MP for Romford.

Things you should know about Andy for context:

- Loves Brexit
- Loves the Union Jack
- Wants the BBC to play the national anthem each day
- Not a big fan of equality and/or gay marriage /3

The last one is worth remembering in light of Andrew's views on passports. caps mine:

"The humiliation of having a PINK European Union passport will now soon be over and the United Kingdom nationals can once again feel pride and self-confidence in their own nationality" 🤔🤔 /4

There other things worth knowing about Andrew (he is weirdly obsessed with pictures of the queen) but I should point out that he DOES have some experience with London transport:

He was caught parking in a central London disabled space back in 2012. Anyway. Ideas time! /5

Now to be fair, his stuff isn't that bad. Mainly because he follows the Khan playbook of avoiding any specifics (it's the MP training). This is pretty decent start.

But then... well. Sorry Andrew. But 1970s British Rail would like a word... /7

And then... EVERYBODY DRINK! /8

Now. Let's be clear here: Khan's fare freeze was a massive fuckup. Everyone knows it. Including him now, one suspects. It's the London transport equivalent of starting a land war in Asia. BUT it's also NOT THE BIGGEST THING causing a hole in TfL's budget. /9

That is, quite frankly two things for which the current or former Conservative government can be thanked:

1) The removal of the ENTIRE bus subsidy by Gorgeous George Osborne
2) Removal of central funding for A road maintenance, which has a massive impact on London. /10

Anyway. Andy does what MPs do best. He's vague, says some broadly agreeable things and leaves it at that. Yawn. No Monorails. Boo. Let's move on. Full interview here. conservativehome.com/localgovernmen… /11

Next up Andrew Boff. Boff is a former AM, so he should know his stuff. And... to be fair... MOSTLY does. /12

But he also hates lodgers. What did lodgers ever do to you Andrew? /13

And... I mean C'MON Andrew. You're better than this. EVERYBODY DRINK TWICE. /14

AND AGAIN. Full interview here: conservativehome.com/localgovernmen… /15

Next up: Joy Morrissey. Councillor and former candidate for MP of Ealing. And here, well, credit where credit is due. Vague but reasonable statements on a few key things. /16

But then of course... EVERYBODY DRINK! Full interview here: conservativehome.com/localgovernmen… /17

Next up: Alison Cork. An entrepreneur specialising in home interiors. Which sounds... well fuck knows. Anyway. Alison... well Alison doesn't really say anything useful. That person in the pub who thinks they know stuff and won't bloody shut up? It's Alison /18

So mostly... word salad. I mean, she doesn't even manage to throw in a Khan blackhole barb. Sloppy. We do at least get to drink though! Full article here: conservativehome.com/localgovernmen… /19

Next up, Duwayne Brooks, former Lib Dem councillor in Lewisham. First up... EVERYBODY DRINK! /20

But then also props for being the ONLY one so far to ACTUALLY SAY WHAT DEALING WITH THIS WOULD MEAN: raising fares. Because it's apparently easy to take a pop at Khan, but LESS easy to say what you'd do about it /21

BUT... nega-props all round elsewhere. Because Duwayne does love a bit of correlation = causation. /22

And you might want to avoid mentioning that Watford Met extention, Duwayne, given that:

1) It was a MASSIVE political boondoggle by Johnson to help win the Watford parliamentary seat
2) It yielded marginal benefits to London. Which was why we ain't paying for it. /23

Anyway: overall verdict. Could be worse, but views that wouldn't survive a proper deep look. Full interview here: conservativehome.com/localgovernmen… /24

Next up Simone Finn. Or Baroness Finn, as you may know her, her background being industrial relations and civil service reform. So what does Simone think? Some nuanced views on...

oh. Never mind. EVERYBODY DRINK. /25

Oh god PLEASE. I SO WANT TO SEE a Conservative London Mayoral campaign where the slogan is:

"We need a Mayor who'll be like Thatcher." 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

DO IT TORIES. DO IT FOR THE LOLS. Leeeets just move on shall we? Full interview here: conservativehome.com/localgovernmen… /26

Next up Kulveer Ranger. Now Kulveer has transport form. Indeed he is the only candidate I can legit claim to have shared drinks with. But... well... it's all a bit blue sky. Technology will save us all apparently. Although DRINK! actual blackhole mention! /27

"...and then immediately chuck it all away on bullshit vanity projects and deals to prop up the government." /28

Mayoral Transport Strategy or Bad Kickstarter Project? YOU DECIDE! Anyway, full interview here: conservativehome.com/localgovernmen… /29

We're on the home strait now. Meet Baroness McGregor-Smith, former Chief Exec of Mitie. Indeed that might be her biggest problem. London is FULL of people whose kitchens or bathrooms have been fucked up by Mitie via their insurer.

Seriously. It's a major voting block. /30

Thanks Baroness. None of us had either thought of that. /31

Things are speeding up though. DRINK then DRINK AGAIN /32

Wow. We're doubling down on the strikes thing aren't we? KEEP DRINKING PEOPLE /33

Oh god stop. So drunk now. General verdict though: Someone needs to take the Baroness aside and gently tell her what TfL (and the Mayor) do and don't have power over. Ah well. Full interview: conservativehome.com/localgovernmen… /34

Two to go. Still no Monorails though, which is genuinely impressive for the Tories. Way less out and out crazies than usual. Next up: Shaun Bailey, AM. Shaun gets propped for ACTUALLY KNOWING WHY Khan's fare promise was the literal worst, rather than just doing a soundbite. /35

But weeeeeeelll, that's not really ENTIRELY true is it Shaun. C'mon dude. You're better than this. /36

OH C'MON. I kind of expect this from the crazies. You're a damn AM Shaun. You've been to meetings about this shit and everything. /37

DRINK! DRINK! DRINK! DRINK! Overall verdict: Vaporware. The kind we can expect from people who haven't sat in the Assembly. ZERO excuse for it from someone who either knows this shit is complex and is pandering, or who SHOULD know and doesn't. /38

Full interview for Shaun here: conservativehome.com/localgovernmen… /39

And so... our final candidate. Meet Kevin Davis, leader of the Conservative Group on Kingston Council. And MY GOD does he live up to everything you'd expect of a man with that title. /40

You may know Kevin from such adventures as denying there was ANY conflict of interest in his firm doing PR for local developer CNM, who have a shitload of Kingston council contracts, before his election. /41

Or in his son then getting a job with CNM. Nope. /42

And what did Kev say about this when a local sixth former asked him about it?

"“What an appalling little child you are. Who the hell do you think you are dragging my family into your vile conspiracy stories?"

All class is our Kev. Anyway. Transport... /43

Hmmm. Kev really does look at everything through a window of development doesn't he. I mean he's not WRONG... but... well. Think about your optics Kev. The optics. /44

Seriously Kev. ex-nay on the devolping-ay ya get me. Just talk about trains or something. PLEASE. /45

BACKUP KEV. BACKUP. Wider fares structure is the DfT kev. You're thinking of the DfT. Go speak to Grayling. He loves a rubbish buzzword that doesn't really mean anything. /46

OH MY GOD YES. DOWN YOUR PINTS. DOWN MANY PINTS. THIS IS IT GUYS. WE GOT ONE. WE GOT MONORAIL 2.0. WE GOT A HYPERLOOP.

Because NOTHING will meet Londoner's commuting needs better than a system designed to move people hundreds of miles quickly (if it works at all) 😂😂😂😂 /47

And that's Kevin out. Full interview here: conservativehome.com/localgovernmen… /48

So what does this all tell us about the coming campaign? Well, we actually now know the finalists: Boff, Bailey and Morrissey. In terms of the likely transport focus this means a few things are pretty certain. /49 conservativehome.com/localgovernmen…

From the Tories:
1) A lot of stuff about the fares freeze, with a lot of glossing over of the OTHER pressures on TfL's budget
2) A lot of tedious bollocks about 'being hard on Tube strikes'

No word on whether there'll be a last-minute pivot to dogwhistle racism again /50

What actual policies we'll get might vary at least a little bit by candidate. I will watch with interest, and hopefully THIS year they might actually agree to a proper interview with us at @lonrec! in the meantime, more on this race at onlondon.co.uk/london-tories-… from @DaveHill /51