Sorry I didn’t reply, I’m on vacation and also you are fucking idiot 
I debated whether or not to tweet that. But I decided to because I want people to see what kind of shit women writers, esp. women writers of color, have to deal with.
There are Asian men out there actively seeking out and harassing Asian femmes because they perceive us as being “self-racist”—allegedly because we dare have have partners outside our ethnicity, because we have mixed kids or are mixed or write about race.
The issue here isn’t “internalized racism.” The issue here is men thinking they get to control women, especially women of their own ethnicity. It’s misogyny hiding behind the mask of anti-racism. And it’s bullshit.
This is by no means limited to Asian women—I can speak only to my own experience here, and don’t pretend to speak for other groups—but I think most other groups of women face this from men of their own ethnicity.
Men: you don’t get to control women or decide who they date. Whether they’re of your ethnicity or not. Full stop.
Remember how a while back we kept hearing about “incels,” or as I’d prefer we call them, “men who think they are entitled to sex from women”? That’s the neighborhood we’re in. Policing women’s sexual partners is the warning track.
Anyway, I posted that email as a reminder that this is the kind of bullshit women have to deal with. From people of their own ethnicity. That’s on top of the usual everyday harassment, microaggressions, and violence from other people, too.
You know what doesn’t make me cry? Hate messages from misogynist trolls. (Sorry, trolls.)
You know what DOES make me cry? The loving messages of support from y’all that have popped up in my inbox and TL. Thank you. I mean it. ❤️
You know what DOES make me cry? The loving messages of support from y’all that have popped up in my inbox and TL. Thank you. I mean it. ❤️
I am hampered by slow WiFi but will get to all of you when I can! In the meantime, thank you. Really truly. [i love you all.gif]
On slightly less flaky wifi, so a couple more things to add to this thread:
Many, if not MOST, Asian women get this kind of harassment online. Have a project succeed wildly? Great, brace yourself. See: Jenny Han right now; Nicole Chung every damn day, and so on. Success often ends up placing a target on your back for "men's rights activists"/"incels."
Please don't say "Well, you're a public figure; all public figures get harassed." Being a public figure does NOT entitle anyone to get to harass you or your family. (Even setting aside whether we are, indeed, "public figures.")
I'm speaking only about AsAm women here b/c that's my experience, but know that this happens to women of MANY ethnicities. That's because it's not about culture or ethnicity, despite what these dudes say. It's about misogny, about men thinking they should get to control women.
I posted the email above because I want people to know this happens A LOT to women online. Especially women of color. If it's happening to you, you're not alone.
If you didn't know this kind of stuff happened, now you do. THIS is one reason to make an extra effort to support and signal-boost the work of women of color. Because one way we can help is to help WOC share their stories.
My biggest fear about this kind of harassment is that it will intimidate emerging WOC writers into silence. Because let's be honest: would you want to write a piece that gets widely shared, if it means these dudes will come after you?
This kind of harassment ALREADY silences emerging women writers, esp. women of color. I know way too many people who have decided not to write the thing because they know they'll be targeted. Think about all those stories not getting told.
So, what you can do: First, believe that this happens. Believe women (and POC) when they tell you harassment is very real and very common.
Second, make an extra effort to support women writers of color. Read their work. Share their work. Hire them as speakers, editors, etc. Most of us have layers of barriers the world throws across our path; know that some have extra barriers and do what you can to even the field.
Third, if you're a woman of color, tell your story if you feel comfortable doing so. Harassers may come after you. But know that your story will make an impact on others who need to hear it, and trust that other people--hopefully not just other WOC--will have your back.
And fourth, when you encounter WOC getting harassed: HAVE their backs. You don't have to engage with the harassers if it feels unsafe. But send messages of support to the targeted person, privately or publicly. Report threats and targeted harassment. Send the message: NOT OKAY.
This is not the most organized thread ever but the wifi is flaky and the O key keeps falling off my keyboard so let me just close by saying: Support each other. Back each other up. Boost each other. Or to quote one of my role models:
Last thing: If I don't reply to your message individually, it means it got lost in the maelstrom that is my current mentions. Please know I appreciate your support, so very much! (Unless you were writing to call me a race traitor, in which case:
Oh, one more: Call out this kind of misogyny if you feel safe doing so. The email above was sent from a university address. I forwarded it to the dean of the college, explaining why it wasn't okay and saying I didn't think these were the values the college wanted to promote.
Whether the college takes any action or not is up to them; it doesn't matter to me. But let's keep flagging this behavior as unacceptable, wherever we see it, if you feel safe doing so.
