I'm purposely not reading ANYTHING on the box, but I did see "4 years later" before I closed it
So the park has been abandoned for four years im assuming? And I'm hoping like a motherfucker @jeffreygoldbIum is in it
#JurassicParkLiveTweet starts NOW!
Okay so some rich fuckers are hanging out on this island. They even have that annoying "rich people" accent every rich person had in 90's movies
I feel zero empathy for this Scrooge clan, their Butler, their yacht, and even the little girl.
DINO FOOD TIME
wait for it...
Two things
One, when that woman screamed, I thought she was just screaming at Jeff Goldblum.
Two, JEFF FUCKING GOLDBLUM IS BACK, BITCHES
And Jeff is some kinda pseudo celebrity? Like, niche Fame or something.
Still rocking the leather jacket though.
Every bad guy in 90's movies had an accent, too.
Were the 90's xenophobic, or was Hollywood just a little lazy?
Dude's even carrying that staff with the amber thing on the hilt. What a legend.
Their entire mobile command center could be condensed into a smart phone.
Technology, man.
And is that Toby from West Wing? He looks different. The only way I recognize him is because he's condescendingly explaining stuff.
Stegosauruses are cool. Top tier dino.
Get the fuck outta here with that Triceratops bullshit. If it ain't Steg it's in the neg.
No shit that's what's her face from 30 Rock with the Boston accent!
So far I recognize everyone in this movie. This is a first for me.
This scene will have to be explained in the future
"Why did that camera click and then start whirring?"
"It was spooling up the film into the canister for development, because it can't be exposed to light"
".............. you lost me"
Oh hey the daughter that Jeff told not to come stowed away on the voyage.
Grade A plot twist.
"I'm the best kind of girlfriend there is: one who travels a lot"
What the fuck even is that sentence?
Yo it's the guy from the last movie. The Hunter.
I thought he got merked by one of those velociraptors cats? No?
I jumped when the Triceratops crashed through the tent, which caused Arwen to bite my foot, which made me jump more, and now I'm cleaning up the glass of water she knocked over while running away.
FUCK triceratops
Ive had to quarantine Arwen to calm her down
She does NOT like these Rex noises
The sound of slowly cracking glass is infinitely terrifGOD DAMMIT VINCE DID YOU HAVE TO DROP THE THING
Why is Toby using rope when his truck has a winch on it? Seems easier to use that...
Oh that's why. He had to use it in the future for the sliding truck.
Good ESP Tobes.
Wouldn't the truck just fall down the cliff and pull the truck with
Oh
Yeah there it goes
Why ARE THEY PLAYING TRIUMPHANT MUSIC
A man just got eat IN HALF and we're doing French horns like the fucking Batman just walked on stage.
Well... At least I know Toby isn't coming back.
This isn't like a Sirius thing where I'm going to expect him to waltz in later and save the day.
"The greatest predator that ever lived is on this island."
Didn't know @HarveyWeinstein was on the island.
Hot fuckin dog I totally forgot about Stormare
I mean, he's gonna die too. But that's what he does. And he's gonna do it damn well.
So whatever happened to that family at the beginning?
Like... Are they all dead? Is that a safe assumption?
I love the one guy shooting as he's running. It's like the guy who unloaded a full clip at Superman and then threw the gun at him afterwards.
Dude just licked Red. Kinkysaurus Rex.
And Beardy got the MEGA-MONCH because he saw a snake.
Poor decision making skills.
Oh shit this tall grass thing is an actual nightmare I've had.
The body count on this thing is getting astronomical.
I find it hard to believe that there are more Jurassic Park movies after this.
You'd think SOMEONE would've learned that this island is a fucking No Go.
Now we have no idea what actual dinosaurs sounded like.
What if Velociraptors actually just perpetually screamed "JEFFFFFF"
I can't prove it, but you can't prove me wrong
Persistent little assholes
Biting through glass, digging tunnels, ramming walls...
At some point, maybe look at a salad, my guy.
I love they have the daughter doing the bars with unnecessary flips and turns
Side note: she kicked dino ASS
Is it Dino Boat now? Rex ate the Captain and got a a taste for sea-life?
Captain Rex.
Technically due to a loophole in the wet foot/dry foot immigration policy, that dinosaur is now legally an American Citizen.
Probably has already paid more taxes than Trump, too
HEY-OOOO
Hes just mobbin around the 'burbs like it's nbd
How shitty would it be if this were like the one night you decided to try acid, and you're like "damn that's a vivid looking dinosaur"
Trauma.
Police response time was just shy of two hours.
Then again, imagine being on the receiving end of that dispatch phone call.
Cause of death: eaten to death by a baby Rex.
At least there's an award for being the first.
"Life will find a way"
Alternative title for this movie:
Jurassic Park 2: Jesus Christ Humans Really Suck Sometimes