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Chef Shwasty @ChefShwasty
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Alright, so "Lost World"

I'm purposely not reading ANYTHING on the box, but I did see "4 years later" before I closed it

So the park has been abandoned for four years im assuming? And I'm hoping like a motherfucker @jeffreygoldbIum is in it

#JurassicParkLiveTweet starts NOW!
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Shit it's been a while. I'm like... A little nervous?
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Oh hey is that the same island from Lost?
#JurassicParkLiveTweet

UNIVERSAL PICTURES PRESENTS

big ass fuggin dino bois
#JurassicParkLiveTweet

Okay so some rich fuckers are hanging out on this island. They even have that annoying "rich people" accent every rich person had in 90's movies
#JurassicParkLiveTweet

I feel zero empathy for this Scrooge clan, their Butler, their yacht, and even the little girl.

DINO FOOD TIME

wait for it...
#JurassicParkLiveTweet

Oh shit little girl is surrounded

I feel bad. I caused this.
#JurassicParkLiveTweet

Two things

One, when that woman screamed, I thought she was just screaming at Jeff Goldblum.

Two, JEFF FUCKING GOLDBLUM IS BACK, BITCHES
#JurassicParkLiveTweet

And Jeff is some kinda pseudo celebrity? Like, niche Fame or something.

Still rocking the leather jacket though.
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God damn those kids grew up. Making me all nostalgic and shit.
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Every bad guy in 90's movies had an accent, too.

Were the 90's xenophobic, or was Hollywood just a little lazy?
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Oh hey the old doc dude is still alive.

Still batshit crazy as ever, too.
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Dude's even carrying that staff with the amber thing on the hilt. What a legend.
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"You sent my girlfriend to Dino-Murder Island?!"

Essentially, yeah.
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Ha for a split second I thought that was Vince Vaughn
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Their entire mobile command center could be condensed into a smart phone.

Technology, man.
#JurassicParkLiveTweet

And is that Toby from West Wing? He looks different. The only way I recognize him is because he's condescendingly explaining stuff.
#JurassicParkLiveTweet

Alright fuck me that's Vince Vaughn
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Stegosauruses are cool. Top tier dino.

Get the fuck outta here with that Triceratops bullshit. If it ain't Steg it's in the neg.
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No shit that's what's her face from 30 Rock with the Boston accent!

So far I recognize everyone in this movie. This is a first for me.
#JurassicParkLiveTweet

This scene will have to be explained in the future

"Why did that camera click and then start whirring?"

"It was spooling up the film into the canister for development, because it can't be exposed to light"

".............. you lost me"
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Oh hey the daughter that Jeff told not to come stowed away on the voyage.

Grade A plot twist.
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"I'm the best kind of girlfriend there is: one who travels a lot"

What the fuck even is that sentence?
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Thats a lot of helicopters.

And they're carrying vehicles?
#JurassicParkLiveTweet

Yo it's the guy from the last movie. The Hunter.

I thought he got merked by one of those velociraptors cats? No?
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Why they hurt dinos

They bastard men
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Wait

Was that my second favorite actor of all time?

Hold up...
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I have to wait and see if it was
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SHIT YES PETER STORMARE UP IN THIS MOTHERFUCKER
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God I fucking love Peter Stormare.
#JurassicParkLiveTweet

RELEASE THE DINOS
#JurassicParkLiveTweet

I jumped when the Triceratops crashed through the tent, which caused Arwen to bite my foot, which made me jump more, and now I'm cleaning up the glass of water she knocked over while running away.

FUCK triceratops
#JurassicParkLiveTweet

Is that a baby T Rex?
#JurassicParkLiveTweet

And that was a big Rex scream
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Vince Vaughn just spat in someone's hand

Gross
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And there's mama Rex

Big ass bastard
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Ive had to quarantine Arwen to calm her down

She does NOT like these Rex noises
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Oh FUCK Rex ain't done with them yet
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DO SOMETHING, GIRL, DON'T JUST STAND THERE

Oh fuck it's gonna fall
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Oh NOW she's interested.
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The sound of slowly cracking glass is infinitely terrifGOD DAMMIT VINCE DID YOU HAVE TO DROP THE THING
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Why is Toby using rope when his truck has a winch on it? Seems easier to use that...
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Oh that's why. He had to use it in the future for the sliding truck.

Good ESP Tobes.
#JurassicParkLiveTweet

Wouldn't the truck just fall down the cliff and pull the truck with

Oh

Yeah there it goes
#JurassicParkLiveTweet

Dude don't gun it. Put the E brake on.
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The redhead in this movie is basically just one limitless fuck up.
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Get OUTNIFNTHEETOBY
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Holy shit Toby just died a BRUTAL death.

This is on you, Red.
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Why ARE THEY PLAYING TRIUMPHANT MUSIC

A man just got eat IN HALF and we're doing French horns like the fucking Batman just walked on stage.
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Well... At least I know Toby isn't coming back.

This isn't like a Sirius thing where I'm going to expect him to waltz in later and save the day.
#JurassicParkLiveTweet

"The greatest predator that ever lived is on this island."

Didn't know @HarveyWeinstein was on the island.
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I'm also now 100% convinced Vince is gonna die in this movie, too.
#JurassicParkLiveTweet

Hot fuckin dog I totally forgot about Stormare

I mean, he's gonna die too. But that's what he does. And he's gonna do it damn well.
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Man he can't die ALREADY
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Oh man I'm going to see that part with his lip getting bit off forever.
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Welp I'm thinkin he's dead now.
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So whatever happened to that family at the beginning?

Like... Are they all dead? Is that a safe assumption?
#JurassicParkLiveTweet

The water did the ripple thing again

This is what you'd call a call-back
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Thisnis one persistent damn T Rex.
#JurassicParkLiveTweet

I love the one guy shooting as he's running. It's like the guy who unloaded a full clip at Superman and then threw the gun at him afterwards.
#JurassicParkLiveTweet

Dude just licked Red. Kinkysaurus Rex.

And Beardy got the MEGA-MONCH because he saw a snake.

Poor decision making skills.
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Oh shit this tall grass thing is an actual nightmare I've had.

The body count on this thing is getting astronomical.
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I find it hard to believe that there are more Jurassic Park movies after this.

You'd think SOMEONE would've learned that this island is a fucking No Go.
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I also feel like the Hunter is gonna die, but it's gonna be a cool death
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Raptors.

Of course.
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Now we have no idea what actual dinosaurs sounded like.

What if Velociraptors actually just perpetually screamed "JEFFFFFF"

I can't prove it, but you can't prove me wrong
#JurassicParkLiveTweet

Persistent little assholes

Biting through glass, digging tunnels, ramming walls...

At some point, maybe look at a salad, my guy.
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I love they have the daughter doing the bars with unnecessary flips and turns

Side note: she kicked dino ASS
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They escaped? I feel like there's a lot more movie left...
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This feels a little too smooth...
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Theyre gonna bust that dino out somehow. I can feel it.
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How the hell is this gonna unfold?
#JurassicParkLiveTweet

Loch Ness

I can feel it
#JurassicParkLiveTweet

That boat just WRECKED SHOP
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Is it Dino Boat now? Rex ate the Captain and got a a taste for sea-life?

Captain Rex.
#JurassicParkLiveTweet

Where the hell is dino boy?
#JurassicParkLiveTweet

Oh

There he is

Hello Mr. Saur.
#JurassicParkLiveTweet

Technically due to a loophole in the wet foot/dry foot immigration policy, that dinosaur is now legally an American Citizen.

Probably has already paid more taxes than Trump, too

HEY-OOOO
#JurassicParkLiveTweet

Hes just mobbin around the 'burbs like it's nbd

How shitty would it be if this were like the one night you decided to try acid, and you're like "damn that's a vivid looking dinosaur"

Trauma.
#JurassicParkLiveTweet

"There's a dinosaur in our back yard" -Little kid
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And we got ourselves baby dino back in the mix.
#JurassicParkLiveTweet

Damn, some of these people just have really shitty timing.
#JurassicParkLiveTweet

Police response time was just shy of two hours.

Then again, imagine being on the receiving end of that dispatch phone call.
#JurassicParkLiveTweet

And this is where specs dies.

His greed will be his downfall.
#JurassicParkLiveTweet

SAVED THE BIGGEST MONCH FOR YOU.
#JurassicParkLiveTweet

Cause of death: eaten to death by a baby Rex.

At least there's an award for being the first.
#JurassicParkLiveTweet

And now apparently Red is a sniper.

Good on ya.
#JurassicParkLiveTweet

That dino is now under wraps.

Okay, now I feel better about this conclusion
#JurassicParkLiveTweet

"Life will find a way"

Alternative title for this movie:

Jurassic Park 2: Jesus Christ Humans Really Suck Sometimes
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