Thread by @tessie18

So let me tell you all about the longest and strangest flight I have ever had on SAA. It was a flight from East London to Johannesburg.

So I'm sitting in my seat during boarding when lo sisi first arrives. She was visibly and audibly drunk walking to the seat right next to me

Sisi ( in her 40s as far as I can tell) sits next to me, smelling like a tavern and shouts to a guy a few seats ahead of me "thank you babes, thanks for holding my bag ma darling". Kicks off her shoes. Takes off her jacket. Pops her phone into her bra, the top part sticking out

At this stage I suspect the next hour and a half will be tough, confirmed by the ground attendant who checked us in coming to lo sisi and asking her if she is drunk and begging her to behave on the flight because she is a security risk. Sisi swears that she's not THAT drunk.

We settle in, plane starts moving and sis falls asleep.

I'm relieved.

I decide my only survival option is to pretend that she's not here. If I look out the window the entire time maybe she won't see me.

I live in hope.

On the runway, just before take-off, all attendants in their seats, sis awakes. Without missing a beat she starts shouting:

"Where are you taking me? Why am I in a plane? I left East London yesterday! I'm serious guys don't tell me to shut up!"

My GAWD. I thought she was going to beatpeople. Flight attendants cant help. And by the time we are level in the air she is asleep again. Now I have time to think...what is she likely to do. I realise she could throw up on me!

I move closer to the window and put my try on my lap

While I am firmly pretending to look out the window sis starts to cry. First small drops. Then she puts her jacket over her head and cries into it, takes it off and fall back asleep. Also sleeping often means falling onto me.

I am in flight hell.

The drinks cart arrives with the flight attendant giving me that "I'm so sorry" smile. He asks he what she will have. She says wine. He reminds her that his colleague told her they can't give her alcohol and she can only have water. She accepts water and doesn't ask for food

Ok. So we're almost in JHB. The pilot tells us we are about the decent. He also warns the flight crew that no matter what they are doing for the next 5 minutes they should sit because turbulence.

Like turbulence that made my tummy queezy. I'm back on puke panic mode

We get through the turbulence and now we are about to land. Flight attendants in their seats. Lights off. The wheels on the plane pop out. I can see the ground. Lo Sisi says to ME:

"Where's the toilet?

I'm thinking:

I calmly, without looking directly at her because ostrich mode, tell her that she can't go to the toilet because we are about to land. She agrees and then goes back to sleep.

I am relieved that we are at the end of this shitshow...or at least that's what I hope

I. Was. Wrong.

The plane is 30 seconds fromnlanding and sis wakes up, shouts "heyi" and unbuckles herself. I think now we are in groot kak. But to my surprise she does nothing and we land with her clutching the seat in front of her.

But we are on the ground.

We stop. She starts collecting her bag & shoes off the ground and then gets up to reveal the residue of the per puddle she has been sitting in.

Her shirt drenched.

Without even looking at her seat she leaves me there to pass her pee to get out the plane.

This is not a drill!

Wow. I scoot by the pee seat, walk out telling the attendants about the fate that awaits the cleaners and run passed while sis gingerly tries to walk down the planes stairs without falling.

I get into the bus that will take us to the terminal and make sure I am far from sis.

We get out the bus. While I tell my colleagues about my trauma another man joins the conversation and says:

"SHE PEE'D ON THE BUS!"

I did not control my laughter.

Man's says she just stood there and pee'd.

I was never ready.

A. True. Mess.

We get out the bus. While I tell my colleagues about my trauma another man joins the conversation and says:

"SHE PEE'D ON THE BUS!"

I did not control my laughter.

Man's says she just stood there and pee'd.