Thread by @cFidd

Oh good Grassley is blaming Democrats for something else now

SURPRISE OPENING STATEMENT

Angry Kavanaugh is ... not a good strategy after what just happened in that room

Behold, Brick Kavanaugh

I think he just threatened... everybody? This isn't making much sense

Conspiracy Theory Kavanaugh is pretty sad tbh

"I try to be on the sunrise side of the mountain"

Oh we're at the "I have this one friend who was sexually assaulted and I definitely didn't do it" part of his statement

Oh fuck you for dragging your daughter into this

Kavanaugh's doing a pretty good job of convincing the country he's an angry drunk tbh

Oh good the "second" part of Kavanaugh's statement is all about calling Dr. Ford a liar

Look there's nothing you can say to make the calendar-saving thing not weird

I wonder if Kavanaugh realizes some selectively-remembered details about his summer in no way disprove Dr. Ford's testimony

So this is the rage-y Kavanaugh Trump wanted to see on Fox the other night I guess

We get it, asshole, you like beer

Wow he's so emotional

I HAVE WOMAN FRIENDS I CAN PROVE IT WITH TEXTUAL MESSAGES

Seriously though this is a terrible opening statement

Too bad all that crying completely destroyed his credibility...
... wait, that's just for women

"IT'S A FARCE!!"
"Would you like to say more about it?"
"...no."

Why would someone so insistent of his own innocence not want an FBI investigation?

That was an awful lot of self-pity and entitlement and rage exploding out of one little dude

Oh good more self-pity from Kav
"It was sprung on me"

Kavanaugh trying so hard not to lie rn

I've haven't heard anyone lean so hard on his high school accomplishments since freshman year of college

Imagine if Ford had been belligerent and repeatedly interrupted questioners like this

Fun fact: Just like Kavanaugh, my rapist has also never been formally accused of sexual assault

Grassley rn:

Wow sure looks like Kavanaugh is scared of an FBI investigation

So Grassley is trying to make Kavanaugh look calm and reasonable

OMG devil's triangle is NOT A DRINKING GAME

God, saying they were talking about a trip to the Bermuda Triangle would be more convincing

Klobuchar: Have you ever blacked out from drinking
Kavanaugh: Have you
Klobuchar:

Seriously what the fucking fuck was that

Hatch: He was a teenager so who cares
Every person who's been sexually assaulted by a teenager:

Hatch, basically: DiFi pushed Dr. Ford into that room with you at the party, didn't she

Judiciary Committee Republicans to the sex crimes prosecutor, apparently:

Mitchell: Judge Kavanaugh...
Judiciary GOP: Shhhhhhh, men talking here

Blumenthal: LATIN QUIZ
Kavanaugh: Uggggggghhhhhhh....
Blumenthal:

(That means "for fuck's sake," basically)

Love how Kavanaugh keeps interrupting Democratic senators then insisting they let him finish his interruption when they try to return to their questions

Hirono: Were your classmates who called you a heavy drinker lying
Kavanaugh: I went to the best school and was a very good student and also did sports
Hirono:

Tillis: OMG Kavanaugh you poor thing are you okay I'm sorry Dems have been so mean to you and they're all lying liars and someone bought a URL and I'm just going to keep talking and oh no we're out of time you're welcome for keeping you from embarrassing yourself further

Finally! DiFi claps back.

Judiciary Committee Republicans: JOURNALISM HOW DOES IT WORK

Harris: [yes or no questions]
Kavanaugh: [words that are not yes or no]
Harris: ...so no.

Flake: I am so nice don't you love me also me 2020

Kennedy: Let me stare into your beautiful eyes while you desperately try to avoid lying to the committee
Kavanaugh: Cool thanks

So, Republicans on the committee are gonna vote to approve this garbage person's nomination tomorrow, yes? Because they believe, when it comes to a woman's credible allegation of sexual assault,

Status report:

Dr. Ford: [calm, credible testimony]
Judiciary Committee GOP: We're not going to talk to you but please be interrogated by this prosecutor
Kavanaugh: ARGLE BARGLE BEHOLD MY WHITE MALE VICTIMIZATION
Judiciary Committee GOP: Oh you poor man tell us more about your pain

Thanks, fam. It's been a rough day. Watching that put-upon white dude cry and lash out when called on his bad behavior reminded me strongly of my abusive ex (who raped me after we split). Tweeting sweary gifs to amuse myself was weirdly therapeutic.

The fb messages from my mom helped, too, not gonna lie.

https://twitter.com/cFidd/status/1045415366338457602?s=19

Mom, continuing to be extremely correct. Based on today's performance, he'd be cruel to dogs.

Honestly I've met Chihuahuas with better judicial temperament than Kavanaugh