Thread by @CSockpuppet

I had a conversation recently (by DM) with a very polite young transwoman in America. She said she contacted me because she thought I might have a genuinely open mind.

Now, I am occasionally beset with the insane delusion that I can be some sort of mediator,

bringing peace and accord where all others have failed. (I have to say there is as yet absolutely no evidence of the truth of this belief; but I cling to it like a squirrel to its nut). So we talked.

It went okay till she asked me, did I believe she was a woman?

I said no. In fact (in an entirely futile attempt to protect myself against accusations of bigotry) I’ll reproduce my full reply. I said:

"I believe you are worthy of respect and love and safety; you should be cherished as an individual and as a trans person. I believe you should never, ever have to face hostility, danger, violence or discrimination because you are trans. But no, I don't believe you are a woman. "

To her credit, she remained polite, although the grinding of her teeth was audible across the Atlantic, and I think a little shard of enamel landed in my tea. She said that she had spent years in therapy, and wondered at my hubris in thinking I knew her better than herself.

She ended the conversation shortly thereafter, clearly disappointed in me.

And I wondered why it was that she didn’t even TRY to tell me more about those years of therapy, her self-discovery, her route to where she is now.

Because no, I don’t believe she is a woman.

But I MAY BE WRONG. And the thing above all else that might persuade me I am wrong would be heartfelt personal testimony. So if you want me to believe it, why not try to persuade me?

Why am I telling you this?

Well, it made me think. About belief, and unbelieving generally.

Some things I do not believe:

1. Jesus died for my sins;
2. There is no god but Allah and Mohammed is his prophet;
3. The Jews are the Chosen People of God;
4. Such a thing as innate gender identity exists.

Thing is, unbeliefs 1-3 do not make me a bigot. I would be a bigot if I opposed the right of others to hold those beliefs, or discriminated against them because of their beliefs. But nobody requires me to SHARE them.

(4), however, apparently does make me a bigot.

See, I think we accept, generally, that you as a decent person should respect my right to believe whatever I choose. HOWEVER, the social contract says: if I want you to share my belief, then the onus is on me to persuade you.

Look at Jehovah’s Witnesses. I’m a bit hazy as to what they believe, but I’m pretty sure I don’t believe it.

Do the JWs scream at me and call me a bigot?

They do not. They recognise the onus is on them, they roll up their sleeves and they knock on my door. Relentlessly.

In fact (JWs aside) most religions thrive on my unbelief: the chosen/saved/whatever can only be c/s/w if others, by contrast, are not.

But this contract – otherwise universally understood – doesn’t seem to apply to TRAs.

“Innate gender identity” and all that follows from it is a belief system. So isn’t the onus on them to persuade us?

I respect your right to your own beliefs. But you cannot demand that I share them. Belief doesn't work like that.

(In the event that Stonewall read this, and think “my, what a good idea, let’s try the JW model,” can I apologise in advance to those of you who are disturbed mid-croissant on a Sunday morning by a posse of blue-haired young men at the front door, proffering the Pink News;

In my defence, I never thought they'd go for it).

To those of you who have got this far, a million thanks for reading.