Top of my list of things I’m really glad Amazon.co.uk can’t legally sell (otherwise I’d mash my thumb on the BUY button right now):
…
Kittens.
…
Kittens.
Imagine the Amazon support calls.
AMZN: Hi! How can I help you today?
CUST: I wish to complain about this kitten.
AMZN: What exactly is wrong with your kitten?
CUST: When I tried to remove the packaging, it bit me.
AMZN: The packaging it came in?
CUST: No, the OTHER packaging …
AMZN: Hi! How can I help you today?
CUST: I wish to complain about this kitten.
AMZN: What exactly is wrong with your kitten?
CUST: When I tried to remove the packaging, it bit me.
AMZN: The packaging it came in?
CUST: No, the OTHER packaging …
AMZN: What other packaging?
CUST: All of it. Every time I buy something from you, it hops inside. Then bites me when I try to remove it.
AMZN: Have you tried turning it off and on again?
CUST: I’m not a vet.
CUST: All of it. Every time I buy something from you, it hops inside. Then bites me when I try to remove it.
AMZN: Have you tried turning it off and on again?
CUST: I’m not a vet.
AMZN: Can you ship your kitten back to us?
CUST: Sure. I’ll just put him in the box and—oh.
AMZN: Is there a problem?
CUST: Kitten won’t stay in the box if I put him in it.
AMZN: Just ignore the box. When the kitten sneaks inside duct-tape it shut.
CUST: … The duct-tape. Oh God.
CUST: Sure. I’ll just put him in the box and—oh.
AMZN: Is there a problem?
CUST: Kitten won’t stay in the box if I put him in it.
AMZN: Just ignore the box. When the kitten sneaks inside duct-tape it shut.
CUST: … The duct-tape. Oh God.
CUST: How do you get duct tape off a kitten?
AMNZ: Have you tried wiping it down with white spirit?
CUST: NOT HELPING
AMZN: I’m going to have to terminate this call if you keep shout—
CUST: The doorbell just rang.
(Amazon delivery)
CUST: How do you get duct tape off TWO kittens?
AMNZ: Have you tried wiping it down with white spirit?
CUST: NOT HELPING
AMZN: I’m going to have to terminate this call if you keep shout—
CUST: The doorbell just rang.
(Amazon delivery)
CUST: How do you get duct tape off TWO kittens?
CUST: The second kitten has got the duct tape off the first.
AMZN: Oh, so your problem is solved—
CUST: No, now the first kitten has got it back.
AMZN: I thought they were stuck?
CUST: They’re fighting over it.
…
CUST: Also, why did you ship the catnip I ordered in the same box?
AMZN: Oh, so your problem is solved—
CUST: No, now the first kitten has got it back.
AMZN: I thought they were stuck?
CUST: They’re fighting over it.
…
CUST: Also, why did you ship the catnip I ordered in the same box?
CUST: I ordered one kitten. Why did you send me two?
AMZN: Oh, they’re on BOGOF this week. All our customers get an extra kitten completely free!
CUST: Even the customers who’re allergic to cats?
AMZN: Is that a thing?
CUST: Aaaah-ATISHOOOOO!!
AMZN: Oh, they’re on BOGOF this week. All our customers get an extra kitten completely free!
CUST: Even the customers who’re allergic to cats?
AMZN: Is that a thing?
CUST: Aaaah-ATISHOOOOO!!
Thread. Meow!
