Thread by @eriktorenberg

1/ One of the biggest reasons companies fail is co-founder breakups.

Here are some evolving thoughts on why they happen and how to avoid them.

Add your own thoughts, tactics, and words of advice on the topic of co-founder breakups.

2/ Sometimes they fail because they were poor matches to begin with.

- Values mismatch: e.g. One never wants to sell, another wants to sell early.
- Skills mismatch: e.g One scales as the co grows, the other was only helpful in the beginning.

3/ Other times it’s because they had different expectations and never had the tough conversations early.

Admittedly, these differences are difficult to assess.

Until you are faced with a truly challenging decision, you may not be able to understand where/how you disagree.

4/ To combat:

Talk early and often about:

- What success looks like (outcomes, culture, roles)
- What are non-negotiables
- Who’s in charge in case of disagreement.

On this last point: Make sure there is a clear CEO / tie-breaker. Not having one is a red flag IMO.

5/ Other times they’re aligned and complement each other, they just can’t work together

- Different work-styles
- Different communication styles
- Conflict breeds more conflict or distance, instead of addressing concerns and bouncing back.

6/ Cofounder relationships are like marriages, and should be treated as such -- something you have to work at consistently.

- Read relationships/communication books (eg Nonviolent Communication & Gottman)
- See a coach for both of you
- Date first and don’t do a shot-gun wedding

7/ Some general principles:

- Don’t assume intent or have contempt
- Rescript + see with fresh eyes
- Refrain from passive-aggressiveness
- Have an individual coach or someone else to vent to.
- Proactively communicate concerns.
- Make + keep commitments
- Honor when not present

8/ You don’t need to be best friends. (Or even friends at all.)

You need to respect & trust each other, communicate effectively, and work well together in accomplishing company goals.

And not hate going to work every day.

9/ For all the people in crippling cofounder relationships out there, all the best to you.

Hope you have someone to talk about it with. Someone not in tech, like a therapist or coach, because you want to respect everyone's privacy.

10/ If you have a bad break up, try to leave on as good terms as you can.

You want to honor the sweat you put in together, and, more practically, you will forever be a reference for that person, so, at the least, its worth coming to some prisoners dilemma-like understanding.

11/ Co-founder struggles are where integrity is tested + where character is built.

How you handle it will show to teammates & investors how you’ll handle everything else. Be charitable+compassionate yet resolved, not dismissive + bitter + indecisive.

You’ll also be happier.

12/ Something of a (non-comprehensive) litmus test for choosing a co-founder:

“Pick a co-founder who you’d be OK breaking up with.”