Thread by @otherspoon

ICYMI Thread (properly threaded): I have a new piece @Harpers that I hope you’ll read. We all have elders we love and care for—I wrote this for them. The story is about elder couples across the country who are ending their lives together. harpers.org/archive/2019/0… 1

The deaths fall across a broad spectrum: some couples simply can’t go on; others are men assuming their wive’s consent; still others are the culminating event in domestic violence. #mercykilling #eldercare #thegooddeath 2

The story I tell for @Harpers focuses on one couple, Philip and Becky Benight, who were separated when insurance and the Office of Aging sent Becky to a nursing home. They did not want to live apart; Becky no longer wanted to live. #mercykilling #eldercare #thegooddeath 3

Philip and Becky used pills. They took them in the car because Becky couldn’t make it into the house. Philip crushed a cocktail of prescription meds & mixed them into a single serving of Kraft vanilla pudding. He then swallowed handfuls of the remaining pills. 4

Philip and Becky were found several hours later by police. They were both in a coma. Philip woke up 3 days later and was immediately questioned and arrested for assisting Becky’s attempted suicide. On January 30 Becky died. #mercykilling #eldercare #thegooddeath 5

Philip pled guilty and was sentenced to 6 months house arrest. He’s well; grieving but well. harpers.org/archive/2019/0… #mercykilling #eldercare #thegooddeath 6

But, like all good stories, there’s a interesting back story (journos, keep reading): harpers.org/archive/2019/0… #mercykilling #eldercare #thegooddeath 7

About four years ago I set up a google alert for “mercy killing” because I was researching a book. amazon.com/Good-Death-Exp… I started to notice a pattern in the local news stories sent to my inbox. 8

All over the country, elder couples are ending their lives: husbands are most frequent “perpetrators,” wives often have long term illnesses. The couples are predominantly white, most often they use a gun. In Florida, ie, a mercy killing takes place about every other week. 9

I tracked down scholars who were studying these cases, and in some instances, addressing courts where surviving husbands were being tried. I tracked down several adult children & interviewed one for hours. When I thought I had placed the piece, she balked. #mercykilling 10

Of course, I understood why she didn’t want to go on the record. I set my reporting notes aside and continued to read the alerts; my book came out, two years went by, notes piled up. #mercykilling #eldercare #thegooddeath 11

But one day I was down home with my sister who showed me the cover of the local newspaper, @LancasterOnline: a story about Philip and Becky. I tried to reach Philip through his lawyer, then through neighbors, but couldn’t get in touch with him. #mercykilling #eldercare 12

So I found his address and, on a subsequent visit home, knocked on his door. I had no idea what to expect. I waited a long time, standing in the drive where the car had been parked the night they took the pills. Then the door opened. Philip was sitting on a walker. 13

I stammered, handed him a small white flower. I said, “I’m sorry for your loss,” & he crumpled in sobs. I put my arms around him. He was deeply grieving, he missed Becky. He was isolated, 3 months into house arrest. We talked for 3 hours that day. And 4 the next. 14

And we kept talking. He gave me full access to his letters, home, paperwork & files, & even approved an interview with his therapist. So the very first person I thank for making this important story possible is Philip Benight. Thank you! #mercykilling #eldercare #thegooddeath 15

Thanks to those who helped get Philip and Becky’s story to print: @katiabachko for astute & patient editing; @mcfeeters for meticulous factchecking; @JeffSharlet & @vanessagrigor for reading early drafts; experts Donna Cohen & Jacob Appel: harpers.org/archive/2019/0… @Harpers 16

Philip was open to making his story public because he wants to prevent other couples from experiencing what he & Becky did; he dreams of Becky’s Foundation that advocates for better elder care, that provides aging couples facing isolation & health crises with support. 17

At least until our social systems step up. Thanks for reading. harpers.org/archive/2019/0… #mercykilling #eldercare #thegooddeath @Harpers