Thread by @brokeymcpoverty

therapist blew my mind again today by asking me to be ~nice~ to the negative voice in my head

i said..

so naturally im like okay but y tho?

and she's like well, what is the voice telling you re: the particular sitch we were talking abt

and im like you know the usual, dont get used to feeling good, everything can come crashing down at any minute, are you sure you can do this etc

so why on earth would i be nice to this hoe? she always in my business and makes everyday really effing hard, why shld i be kind to THAT bih?

then she asks why do you think that voice says what it says to you?

and i think abt it and say well i guess its... trying to protect me?

and that was the breakthrough weebay.gif moment

so then i really thought abt that voice i realized that, in my particular instance, it's not.. mean. its negative, but its not like insulting. 'you cant do this bc youre not smart enough, you're not ACTUALLY talented, youre actually a loser who has fooled the whole internet'

she also had me say aloud what i would say to that voice so i imagine it as a real person and it just happens to be one that i hate. and i cldnt find anything nice to say to it

and thats bc i was regarding it as hostile and mean ill-intentioned (which i think it once was)

but the voice isnt harsh; its soft and negative and convincing but it doesnt like, scream at me (anymore). i realized that it like, gently cautions me.

with that reframing, i turned the voice into someone that i love, a good friend who is trying to save me from unseen dangers

and she said okay, *now* what would you say to it?

and i said 'hey, i appreciate what you're trying to do. i love you for trying to keep me safe, but i dont need your protection anymore. i can handle this now.'

and yall i just cried and cried and cried. the function of fear and anxiety--'normal' levels of fear & anxiety--is to keep you safe.

in a 'normal' brain, the alarm goes off all the time
in ppl like me w/ anxiety disorders the alarm is on aaaaallll the time, threat or not

and then i thought back to all those times when my brain was keeping me from doing shit and yes it made me so mad and yes im still mad that it took so much from me

but like... it was just trying to help. that realization changed everything for me. i envisioned it as a little kid

a little kid in the kitchen trying to make herself a bowl of cereal so she doesnt have to bother you with it. she makes a mess, milk all over the floor. what do you do?

you get mad abt the mess she caused, but you also scoop her up and tell her that you appreciate her trying

and maybe you say 'i like that you wanted to help, but its okay to let me handle things sometimes! that's why im here. its okay to let me do it. again, thanks so much for trying'

and that's soooo different from 'okay, tracy, you need to ignore this voice. just ignore it, its lying to you. keep going in spite of it, push through, its a fucking liar

that puts sooo much pressure on us to not feel the things we're feeling and to do the things we need to do

bc IM the one who has to somehow conquer this voice that has been with me for years, and i have to find the strength to silence it? near impossible.

so, dont silence it. be nice to it. thank it for its service. NEVER FORGET THAT IT LIES, but appreciate the reason that it does

now this doesnt apply to everybody's experience, i know, but in case it resonates w someone i wanted to share it bc i think this lesson *really* changed a lot of things for me

my brain isnt an asshole bent on my destruction. its just trying to help and doesnt know the right way to do that.

when i thought abt that i had sympathy for that voice? esp as a person obsessed w being cared for and protected by someone (hi, daddy issues!)

also in speaking to the voice, the pressure isnt on me to be perfect or never feel anxious again. its the voice that needs to cool out

so sympathizing with that negative side sounds crazy but is (hopefully will be) helpful.

'i know youre just trying to protect me and i appreciate it. but i have the tools to handle this now; i dont need you anymore. i got this. but thank you so much.'

might sound silly but 🤷🏾‍♀️

im going to put a sign that says BE KIND TO THAT NEGATIVE VOICE' up somewhere i can see it everyday as a visual reminder

k thanks for listening to me babble!