Is that the world you want? The demands of highly available systems don't go away when you abdicate your share.
What I am saying is, this degree of misery is *not ok for anybody*, and things can be so much better for EVERYONE if we adopt a proper model of software ownership.
Teams who adopt this philosophy from the start, simply don't experience on call as a major life impacting event. ~Ever.
I'm sorry. This is going to take years of empathetic, human-centered leadership to dig out of.
I am not saying every new parent should carry a pager. Lord no. I have made exceptions and accommodations for this and every other human frailty, as every eng manager should.
And to make it better, software engineers have to do their part. Step into the ring and start supporting their services.
(Doing this well is a serious hiring advantage, btw.)
I think most engineers find ownership deeply satisfying, and are aching to be asked to step up and help fix a deeply broken system.
Think of yourself like a pilot or an emergency room doctor. Some choices are incompatible for some length of time. That's OK.
On call is about supporting prod and about pulling your weight over the long run. Those are the only rules. Beyond that, be creative. ☺️🐝