Thread by @Shakespeare

‘Tis that season when I must needs pack my bags for #Oscars weekend:

First, prose for my flights.
Then, hose for my nights.

#ShakesLA

For Donne #Oscars packing is about evening wear. For Marlowe ‘tis about his hollow heel. For Jonson, getting meat through customs. #ShakesLA

Packing my Loves Labours Won screenplay for #Oscars weekend. Jonson packing his Sejanus screenplay.
#ShakesLA

Donne cannot find any of the phone numbers he’s been given on earlier #Oscars trips, because the lipstick hath washed away.
#ShakesLA

#LASnow, say’st thou? I must needs pack a winter codpiece for #Oscars weekend.

#ShakesLA

My #Oscars journey began this morning in Heathrow, at the Caffe Nero, where Jonson was trying to order in Latin.
#ShakesLA

Flying over the chilly bits of Canada on Virgin 007 for #Oscars weekend. Donne already in love triangle with flight attendants.
#ShakesLA

I stand corrected. Donne is embroiled in a messy love *quadrangle* with the flight attendants.
#ShakesLA

This is quite a long flight, really. Thank heavens I’ve got Holinshed’s Chronicles on kindle.
#ShakesLA

Jonson annoyed because Marlowe keeps spilling beverages. But Marlowe’s just doing it to reveal invisible ink.
#ShakesLA

Rivalry for Donne’s attention groweth fierce. One flight attendant just bent low enough to reveal serious dance training.
#ShakesLA

Donne gets complimentary champagne, caviar, and, as we fly over Colorado, edibles. Those seem not to be from the airline per se.
#ShakesLA

Marlowe hath disabled the smoke alarms and Jonson is berating a passenger in Classical Greek. We can land any time now.
#Oscars #ShakesLA

Just before landing we realize the drugs from Donne’s admirers won’t clear customs. Only one solution.

Now I’m ravenously hungry.
#ShakesLA

Landed at LAX. Or at least the plane hath landed. I seem to be floating a bit.
#Oscars #ShakesLA

‘Tis bittersweet: the last time through LAX customs with our EU passports.
Marlowe: “Speak for thyself. I have plenty more.”
#ShakesLA

Poor customs guards. No one should ever ask Ben Jonson to make a declaration.
#ShakesLA

Marlowe’s passport today says his name is “David Cornwell.” I see what thou didst there, Kit.
#ShakesLA

Methinks Donne’s extra edibles have me hallucinating a bit. But hard to say. LA always feels like I’m hallucinating a bit.
#ShakesLA

Donne hath rented a Tesla X. Marlowe is driving. I have the munchies and Jonson hath a whole suitcase of nothing but Cadbury.
#ShakesLA

Marlowe pulls over at Mel’s on Sunset for cheeseburgers. I’m hungry enough for two. Jonson hath three.
#ShakesLA

Donne says to me, “Don’t actors worry about their weight?”
I: “Thou wouldst not believe how much I’ve lost since 1616.”
#ShakesLA

Lunch ended, we find our hotel. I check us into the Chateau Marmont under the name "Francis Bacon."
#ShakesLA

We stroll toward @BookSoup with Donne and Marlowe handicapping the Best Picture race.
Kit: "Best gambling proposition in years."
#ShakesLA

Jonson adds, "And 'The Favourite' is the underdog!" Then he says it twice more.
#ShakesLA

Donne buys the trades @BookSoup. Jonson buys Robert Greene's advice books. Marlowe hides something on the True Crime shelf.
#ShakesLA

I buy the newest Annie Baker and off to Soho House for dinner.

Everyone there treats us like we’re invisible. We’re writers.
#ShakesLA

Woke up to Marlowe doing a spooky Sunset-Boulevard voiceover while he floated face down in the hotel pool. Time for breakfast.
#ShakesLA

Having avocado toast by the hotel pool in LA, and ‘tis 8 bloody degrees C. I would have been warmer in London.

More coffee!
#ShakesLA

In the Tesla. Donne demands calm, murmuring KCRW radio and Marlowe tears up the Santa Monica Freeway at heart-rending speed.
#ShakesLA

Jonson is getting carsick. He ate three cheeseburgers yesterday. I feel we will be seeing them all again.
#ShakesLA

Jonson weeping and saying he doesn’t want to die. Marlowe only speeds up. “Bit late for that, Ben.”
#ShakesLA

Donne: “I’m trying to listen to Weekend Edition, boys. Don’t lose me my deposit.”

We pull unharmed into the parking lot of @TheHuntington. Jonson gets out of the car and gulps for air.
#ShakesLA

Chilly day for a stroll, but @TheHuntington gardens are lovely.

As we pass into the Rose Garden, Donne points out a bust. “Look, Will! ‘Tis thou.”
Jonson begins searching for a statue of him.
#ShakesLA

Donne contemplates @TheHuntington's Audubon. I admire Chaucer. My Q1 Hamlet in the vault.
Marlowe: "I can get thee in the vault."
#ShakesLA

Nipped into @TheHuntington gallery on the way to lunch to take a long, long look at Sarah Siddons. Not for the first time.
#ShakesLA

Having lunched in the tea room and not come to overmuch grief in the cactus garden, we bid @TheHuntington adieu! On to Venice!
#ShakesLA

Strolling the quiet canals of Venice, California with Marlowe and Jonson shouting, “Jessica! Jessica! ‘Tis thy Lorenzo!”
Bastards.
#ShakesLA

Venice Beach is very strange. Never have I seen so many tacky T-shirts without my picture on them.
#ShakesLA