Thread by @theslumflower

Dating rich comes with the risk of financial abuse which is why I will never stop promoting the importance of women cultivating a life for themselves full of hobbies and friends so that they can implement strategic distance and wisely pattern their dating position.

Dating broke comes with the risk of an exhausted future that also will eventually entail emotional abuse. Money is power and men who don’t have it feel the need to make up for it by abusing women.

ALL MEN HAVE THE CAPACITY TO BE ABUSIVE.

Create your own nirvana and make dating men work for you so that regardless of the outcome, you have a life of your own you can always go back to. Relying on any man is the weakest move you can make.

If you’re going to take his money, open an ISA. Create a plan B.

I don’t have much to say about dating broke because the benefits are minimal. You can’t plan your future on good vibes and emotions but you can always form a solid relationship with yourself so that you can set up boundaries that allow you to prioritise your own wellness.

if your real gripe is that you don’t feel like you’re confident enough to implement boundaries with men or you don’t feel powerful/desirable enough to negotiate what you want from men, the work should be on YOU not on trying to get women to martyrise themselves so you feel better

Also, in a world where women have to negotiate and exchange their labour (and for a lot of us, our autonomy) for men to love us, some of us prefer to receive money AND love in exchange for making men better people by being around them.

So with that said, all women who date men are participating in sex work to various extents. You are engaging in transactional sex i.e ‘if he does what I want (gives me money, makes me feel pretty, tells me he loves me, spends time with me), I will share myself with him.

So if you want to dismantle patriarchy, wouldn’t it be effective to direct your energy to the reasons WHY women have to negotiate so highly when sharing ourselves with people who murder us?

I’d never feel the need to create all these insurance barriers if I was dating a woman.

And if you’re anti-sex work, please don’t hide it behind your intellectual pick me-ism. You want us to dismantle every system that operates against us on an empty stomach and no electricity. Pretentious.

If you want us to end patriarchy and capitalism for you, let us continue to finesse men in peace as we take their resources. Step by step. One at a time. It’s not possible for all of us to do this, but where we can, let us get on with it in peace. Thank you have a nice day. x

You want me to pander to your insecurities and lie to you that dating men with no strategy is the way to live a wholesome life. Attraction and emotions, no matter how intense, are very conditional and wither over time especially when he’s broke.

If he loses his job/doesn’t have one and you are the one covering all the bills by yourself, are you still going to be in awe of how amazing he is to you, or are you subconsciously going to wish he had money so that you won’t have to pay all the bills?

Suffering on purpose doesn’t make you any more of a feminist. If feminsm to you is resisting/twisting norms and structures imposed on you, I salute you, I see you, I support you. If your feminism is about intellectually martyrising yourself, best of luck to you and mad respect!

You can’t plan a future on butterflies and good vibes but you absolutely can plan a future on curating a wholesome life for yourself by falling in love with your own company so that when you find someone you like, it’s your PRACTICAL negotiation or he can go because you’re GOOD!

I’ll never stop demanding more for myself and using men as a tool to manoeuvre the system they built at my expense. If men want access to me, they will need to compensate me for it because they are taking away from my IMPORTANT me time. I adore my own company. Pay me to leave me.