Thread by @Delafina777

Okay, so on a much more pleasant note, went to a Unitarian service on Sunday because Rabbi was speaking, and it was beautiful and fascinating and felt like the religion of the future. 1/x

And when I say the Unitarian service felt like the religion of the future, I mean if I were doing a scifi show and wanted to positively portray a major human religion 1000 years from now, this is probably what it would look like.

Like, on one hand, it's obviously pretty ideologically nonspecific (and I personally like a bit more specificity), but on the other hand, I expected it to feel blander. Instead, it was thoughtful and beautiful.

So, creating new ritual is always tricky. People have a tendency to respect ritual that's ancient in part BECAUSE it's ancient, so new rituals often feel a bit play-act-y or forced or lacking in deeper meaning.

I'm usually uncomfortable at church services. I haven't been uncomfortable when I've been a guest at Muslim events that included prayer, but I did very much feel like a (welcomed) outsider observing. But at the Unitarian service there was zero discomfort, and I felt included.

Talking to the rabbi afterwards, she said, "yeah, I could get a job as a Unitarian minister and be completely comfortable--there's nothing there that conflicts with my personal beliefs."

But again, I expected it to be comfortable, because that's literally the design. Universal, united, etc. What was surprising was that any part of it was moving or meaningful.

There was, IIRC, no actual mention of a deity or even a higher power (except in the (guest) rabbi's sermon). All of the hymns were about community and each other. The only ideology I could really parse was, "life is a blessing; community is important; compassion is our calling."

So functionally, what it seemed to be was ritualized *community.*

Which reminded me of the phenomenon of atheist churches--communities that recognize the need for community and ritual, but want all that without the divine element. economist.com/erasmus/2018/0…

The religiously unaffiliated are now the second-largest religion-defined demographic in the US, after evangelicals. pewforum.org/religious-land…

And while they don't need or want religion, I think there is a hole in the sense of community and safety net filled for previous generations by religious communities. Hence the phenomenon of atheist churches, and hence, probably, why that Unitarian service was so well-attended.

Anyway, when I think about "what might a meaningful, ritual-using, church-like community for people who don't want religion look like?" the Unitarian service was pretty close already.

Like, one lovely ritual was they had this flat bowl full of sand with a little votive candle burning in the center, and people came forward and took these long tapers and shared either things they were celebrating or things they were grieving and lit their candle and placed it.

And so at the end, there was just this bowl full of light, the joys and the sorrows both fueling it, not distinguished from one another in the end. And the community had congratulated people on their celebrations and expressed sympathy for their sorrows.

And I thought about what a basic human need that meets, to actually be in the physical presence of other human beings and have them KNOW: I'm so happy, please share in my happiness. Or, I am hurting, please know that I am hurting, and comfort me.

And I also thought about this, and how electronic community doesn't actually fully fulfill the need for human contact. nytimes.com/2019/03/23/sun…

And even how ritual makes it feel okay to share emotions we might otherwise not know how to share or feel comfortable sharing or feel like we have an opportunity to share.

I think about how often I don't tell someone how much they mean to me unless it's in a birthday card or thank-you note for something. Because it can feel weird to just... bring it up over coffee or whatever, you know? Having an occasion to share makes it easier.

So, I dunno, I just think there's a potential model there for creating non-theistic communities (even though UU is theistic) that partake of the strengths of religious communities and meet that need for ritual and community.

Because I know from experience how easy it is, especially for millennials far away from home and family, to slip through the cracks. We tend to form friends groups that care like families, but even then, it's precarious.

Because it feels like individually we're all kind of tapped out, and having a larger community is an additional safety net. People who will visit you when you're sick. Bring you food. Hug you. Drive you somewhere. And a larger community can load balance that stuff.

Anyway. We need more strong, formalized, offline communities, and there's a model here that I think is good.

And just to be clear: I'm not suggesting everyone go join a Unitarian church (although I think they'd welcome people checking them out, and they're super-cool). I'm saying that there's a model here nontheistic communities could probably adapt.