CFC: "hey USL, yeah we'd like to turn professional but there are some options. send me some info, we'll take a look."
USL: *sends info*
USL: "cause we're professional."
CFC: "nah, man that's pretty stupid."
CFC: "yeah but we have to play four mls B sides a total of like 20 times a year. seems reeeeeal dumb."
USL: "but it's professional."
CFC: "yeah we're just gonna start our own league."
USL: *starts recruiting potential owners*
USL: *starts laying the groundwork in Chattanooga*
USL: *starts talking to some people IN Chattanooga if you know what I mean*
USL: *awards chattanooga market rights to bob martino*
USL: *initiates a coup d'etat*
CFC: "nah, dude"
USL: "no but like really. if you don't sell then we're going to push you out of finley, destroy your club and kill independent soccer."
USL: "this is war."
RW: "Chattanooga is a great soccer market and they are ready for professional soccer."
Chattahooligans: "we only root for CFC and they're working on the professional thing."
RW: "PROOOOOOOFESHANAL"
NGS: "#StandwithChatta"
also NGS: "fuck you"
USL: "you're a fucking idiot."
CFC: "lol"
Chattahooligans: *realizing that a large bill of goods was sold*
CFC: "working our asses off. good things. you'll know soon."
Chattahooligans: *praying to soccer gods*
CFC: "promise, we're working"
Twitter: "if we say NPSL Pro over and over again it'll become true"
Haters: "THAT'S NOT PROFESSIONAL"
NPSL Pro: "wassup bitches we got the founders cup in fall 2019 and the real thing in 2020"
USSF, the fun police: "sorry you can't call yourself NPSL Pro. we'll sue."
NPSL Pro: "the real NPSL Pro is in our hearts."
NPSL Pro: "we're gonna call ourselves something else so that USSF doesn't sue every single part of soccer in america. got better shit to do.
Soccer Twitter: "hell yeah brother, NPSL Pro."
USL: "PROOOOOOOOFESSSSSIONAL"
Chattahooligans: *trying their best to ignore but laugh out loud too loud*
Chattanoogans: *obviously don't buy season tickets*
RW: "but we're professional"
CFC: *fending off attacks left and right while trying to execute cool shit*
Chattahooligans: "yo this is not cool"
RW: "WHY ARE WE NOT GREETED AS LIBERATORS"
Chattanoogans, Americans, People of Earth: "ZOMG TAKE MY MONEY"
Mayor Burke: "Chattanooga FC is Chattanooga's team. Those other assholes can live in East Ridge."
Chattahooligans: "OMG WHAT"
Chattahooligans: *trying to ignore still*
CFC: *continues existing*
Chattanoogans: *still not buying tickets*
RW: "PROFESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSIONAL"
Chattanoogans: "lol nope"
Detroit City: "u up?"
CFC: "yeah, sup?"
DCFC: "wanna have some fun?"
CFC: "sure"
DCFC: "April 6?"
CFC: "gonna be a party in 'Nooga."
NGS: "fuck you"
CFC: *smiles*
USL PR: "they are trying to hurt us"
CFC: *continues existing*
RW: "WE ARE THE VICTIMS"
CFC: *brb gonna host a Guatemalan professional team*
USL: "can't be professional if they're not in MLS or USL, duh"
RW: "opening night fireworks"
Ticketing: "nope"
RW: "it's Boyd Buchanan family night tickets are now 75% off"
Ticketing: "do more of the thing where we give our product away for nothing"
RW: *gives out tickets to every private school in the city*
RW: *gives out tickets to every apartment complex in the city*
RW: "DOLLAR BEER NIGHT"
Chattanoogans: "lol y'all can't have beer"
RW: "we can if we have a beer garden a half mile away"
Chattahooligans: "maybe don't do that cause it's bad and it'll look bad for all of us"
Soccer Chatt Podcast: "sorry not sorry pink people"
Chattahooligans: "WTF"
Alphas: 3 of our 6 members were on the podcast but we're not bad
Alphas: "actually the bad people are the ones trying to divide us"
The Flock: "yooo Alphas you should apologize."
Alphas: "3 of our 6 members did nothing wrong"
The Flock: "Alphas/RW/USL maybe fix this?"
The Flock: "yo that's messed up"
RW: "it's autism awareness night"
Chattanoogans: "are you stupid? it's also fireworks night"
RW: *internally, cause it's more family friendly* "fuck 'em"
Chattahooligans: "all are welcome isn't a joke, of course" *goes and buys lawn flamingos, adds 50 people to the food count*
The Flock, Chattahooligans, NGS: *have a smashing awesome tailgate*
RW: "3,500 people! we sold out our 5k seat stadium."
Conductor: "I literally counted every face in every photo and got to 1100."
USL: "you're wrong"
CFC: "We scanned every ticket that arrived and we're at 4,129."
USL: "wrong."
USL: *furiously changing propaganda strategy*
CFC: *continues existing*
Alphas: "wait why did the flock go hang out with everyone else"
The Flock: "cause racism, duh"
NGS: "fuck you"
The Flock: *receipts*
Chattahooligans: *staying out of this one entirely*
Chattahooligans: *please god someone change the subject*
DCFC: "hell yeah brother NPSL Pro"
NGS: "HELL YEAH BROTHER NPSL PRO"
Chattahooligans: "HELL YEAH BROTHER NPSL PRO"
NPSL Pro: "hell yeah brother"
The Flock: "Flock yeah, brother"
/fin