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I HAVE THOUGHTS ON THIS OK, ON THIS "I'm sorry" LONG AFTER THE FACT BEING COUNTED AS A POINT IN FAVOR OF THE OFFENDING PARTY, IT IS MEANINGLESS W/O RESTITUTION
I have a lot of feelings abt this. I should probably just journal it tomorrow.
“I cannot be satisfied by simply saying, ‘I’m sorry for what happened to you,’” said Ms. Hill, now a professor of social policy, law and women’s studies at Brandeis University. “I will be satisfied when I know there is real change and real accountability and real purpose.”
That' it. An "I'm sorry" in an instance where no restitution or accountability occurs is just a "please forgive me, so I can feel good abt myself" it is not proof of work done, it is not amends or restitution. It exists solely to soothe the perpetrator.
And it is a real disservice to everyone bc it leaves the work to the party it was inflicted on, while giving carte blanche for the perpetrator to do it again. You do not owe forgiveness to anyone who has not accounted for their harm, ever.
I am not saying that there has to be this endless checklist, but real transformative shit means work, and it means accountability and it sure af means a commitment to creating trust and safety again and guess who that's on? The perpetrator.
I believe in forgiveness so much-- I don't know how to bc I firmly believe in Christ, but even Jesus worked towards community (his entire ministry was built on it, hello 12 apostles) and that means we are accountable and we work towards each other. "I'm sorry" w no work, well
That's not working towards each other. That's some abusive shit.
Mainly bc you know the world they have built around them is full of “I’m sorry” and no work, and they wash their hands clean of it when they hear “forgiveness”, but the scattered debris of their harmful acts surround them bc they have not learned the work of mending
Also:
And!:
In conclusion!:
