Thread by @rdonoghue

You have within you a shelf, a long shelf, of tightly wound spools that are more or less the .zip files of your opinion on a host of topics. When the topic comes up, you don't need to think, you just unspool the spool and you're covered.

Not a criticism. Just a brain thing.

This is not a bad thing. It's how your brain deal with a lot of things because paying all the attention to all the things all the time is not a functional strategy. Our brain creates shortcuts to deal with stuff so we don't need to think through every step when walking

Just as helpful when it comes time to have an opinion. You could think everything through every time, and spend your time paralyzed, or you could just unspool a spool and get on with the conversation.

The trick here is that it's really, really, really worth being aware that you're doing this, because the more you use the spools, the more they become truth for you, and that's a problem if they are wrong, or if they're the wrong spools.

If they're wrong, the problem's obvious. Lack of honest self-assessment means you never learn or grow, yadda yadda. You know this without my needing to explain it, so for crying out loud, questions yourself a bit more.

Wrong situation is trickier.

To re-invoke the egg topic, if you have a spool on eggs, and I start a conversation about quiche, your brain (pattern matching marvel that it is) is going to rummage around for a matching spool, and put it on play.

So you enter a conversation about quiche with your opinion about eggs being terrible. Success! You are contributing, and it feels good!

Except no, you're not. I mean, yes, you're being a jerk to everyone else in the conversation, but you don't mean to be. Also, you're BORING

We all have experienced (or been) the person who tells the same story ninety bazillion different times, unaware that everyone has heard it before. This is not because they're thoughtless or rude by intent, that's just the spool that got pulled off the shelf.

And here's the problem: It's probably a good story. That spool which you overuse is probably one that you put a lot of thought into. Your brain is holding onto that work for a reason, after all. But the problem here is not quality, it's that it might be boring and off topic.

And unless you are actively inspecting your spools, *you will never know*. Not because you're dumb or lack social skills, but because once the spool starts playing, your brain is already off to the next thing.

The internet gives an easy way to check yourself, since you can actually see what you have said and when, and you can spot patterns, but this is harder in conversation.

But here's a tip: When you find yourself waiting for your turn because you have Something To Say, make note of it. Odds are good that's a queued up spool. And it might be the right spool, but take that moment to think "I will ask a question, THEN I will play the spool."

I'm not asking you to learn anything or successfully engage people. Just do the action of asking a question. Do what you want with the answer. Because the spool player is so powerful that once it starts, other people stop mattering, and that's a bad look. Ask the question FIRST.

(Bonus: it may feel weird at first, but remember that your brain is good at this shit. Eventually it will go "oh, right, I ask a question first" and that will become part of the routine.)

BTW: I HATED HATED HATED this idea.

The very concept that every word coming out of my mouth was not thoughtfully considered and crafted was just *insulting*. These things I have to say are clearly far too clever and engaged to be some kind of glorified autopilot.

Yeah...

Freaking brains.