Thread by @HoarseWisperer

Didn’t sit down intending to write about narcissism, American culture and water buffalos but here we are...

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Bret Stephens is brooding, fragile, and incapable of onboarding criticism.

We’ve got a problem bigger than bad takes from guys with glass jaws though.

1/

Trump peeled back the curtain on a whole lot of toxic cultural problems.

Among them, one was the social disease we happily fed, celebrated and glorified right up until it put a dangerous ignoramus in the White House.

Narcissism. Clinical narcissism. The disorder kind.

2/

I’ve talked about narcissism a lot largely because it is what runs Trump and therefore runs the country.

I also find it fascinating though as both a psychological issue and cultural problem.

The individual psychology part is pretty wild. It really is.

3/

Narcissists runs on a different operating system.

They’re like computers running on a corrupted, early version of DOS while the rest of us are running on iOS.

Their calculations are programmed, simplistic and broken; and their software cannot be updated.

4/

Most of us run by maintaining a balance between what the world thinks of us and what we think of ourselves.

We understand what the world thinks of us through a social mirror called the ‘reflected self’.

We can see and process how other people see us.

5/

When others see us in a negative light, we’re programmed to feel bad about that.

We’re a herd species.

We’re programmed to value our continued place in the herd.

And that means caring when the herd isn’t psyched to see us at the watering hole.

6/

Herd feedback is only useful if we can process it though.

It doesn’t help us or the herd if when the rest of the water buffalo are chilly to us in the cafeteria, we’re unable to think about why that is and what we did to deserve it.

Humans have a system for that.

7/

Humans - healthy ones at least - are programmed to run by balancing three complimentary functions.

The first is making decisions based on today’s version of our software.

The third is revising the software to adapt our behavior.

The second is processing what to change.

8/

The three modules:

1) Operate within the herd
2) Process and evaluate feedback
3) Adapt when out of synch

The three make for a whole, integrated person. Stable behavior; capable of learning; adaptive when needed.

The 2nd is the most sophisticated - and the most ‘human’.

9/

Narcissists don’t have the second module. It isn’t on their motherboard.

At some point in their life, narcissists’ survival required shortcutting the 3-step process the rest of us rely on to maintain healthy lives.

Narcissists bypassed that system early because they had to.
10/

The usual water buffalo rule might be that you always stay with the herd...

but if there’s a lion, you better get your buffalo ass in gear and run.

There’s no time for thinking about whether the herd likes runners.

The problem is the lion.

The only rule then is: survive.

11/

Narcissism is basically what happens when that do-whatever-it-takes override is so necessary, so often, it becomes the system itself.

Having a consistent self didn’t matter; adapting instantly mattered a lot.

So, the person’s wiring bypassed the middle module altogether.

12/

Narcs’ hardware came out of the developmental assembly line wired to overwrite any and all programming instantly to avoid negative feedback.

They have:

1) no stable sense of who they are
2) no ability to weigh what’s good or bad about that
3) a compulsion to react

13/

The early danger usually stemmed from an emotionally and/or physically abusive environment.

Their system override mode was the only way try to avoid the abuse.

It worked well enough to become their go-to.

It didn’t work well enough to keep from feeling worthless inside.

14/

As adults, narcissists look like the same kind of machine but inside, they’re running on a radically different operating system.

They don’t even have the module everyone in a herd needs for both their own sake and for the herd’s.

They aren’t wired for herd life.

15/

The herd values truthfulness; sometimes working toward the collective good; and looking out for others in the herd (or at least not preying on them).

Narcs’ are programmed to bypass those kinds of things and only process what helps them NOW.

16/

When a narcissist is not born into privilege, that faulty assembly just results in small-scale herd problems.

It makes the narc dysfunctional, volatile, toxic and potentially dangerous but mainly only to themselves and the members of the herd closest to them.

17/

A narc with power is a herd problem though.

And what plays a critical role in acquiring power?

Privilege.

And what bestows the greatest privilege on someone in the U.S.?

- White
- Male
- Educated
- Financially well-off
- Healthy and able-bodied

18/

As a herd, we not only don’t get how bad privileged narcissists are for the herd, we glorify the symptoms of their mis-wiring.

We elevate the Mark Zuckerbergs for being cutthroat on the way up and abusive to the herd since.

We idealize ‘winners’ enriched at herd expense.

19/

And the toxic enablement layer that feeds all of that; harms the herd; tramples the herd values; and installs an anti-herd president?

Elevating figures with narcissistic qualities to roles of authority in government and business - and giving them platforms in the media.

20/

Bringing it all the way back around to Bret Stephens, it is normal and natural to bristle at criticism sometimes.

It is not unhealthy to look at the ‘reflected self’ - how you are being seen by others - and opt to not revise your code.

That’s where that 2nd module comes in.
21/

A healthy, integrated personality is largely constant but evolves in response to social feedback.

The programming isn’t etched in stone. It also isn’t written in the sand.

Onlookers see both consistency and adaptation.

22/

When onlookers see someone who consistently shows an angry, intractable, stubborn refusal to adapt in any way coupled with a reflex to attack the social mirror itself, it’s a sign.

The second module isn’t working there...

23/

And that second module is what enables a healthy society.

Without it, we aren’t a herd with any benefits of community.

We aren’t even individuals ruggedly competing.

We’re a herd with maladapted predators among us enabled by lesser versions in business, gov and media.

24/

I don’t know Bret Stephens.

I have no idea if he is or isn’t a narcissist.

I know that piece is highly narcissistic though.

There’s a lot of that going around.

And it is a huge problem.

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