Tory Leadership Excuse-o-meter

I took drugs in the past, but... (circle all that apply)

A) I was young.
B) I was foolish.
C) They had no effect on me.
D) I thought they were just icing sugar/funny smelling cigarettes/DIY Botox.
E) It would have been rude not to.
F) I did not exhale.
G) Who hasn't?
H) At least I never voted Labour.
I) Eton summer break drags on so long, you know.
J) Then my dealer stopped taking my calls.
K) Only because I was thinking ahead to how I might spice up my bid for PM.
L) Who really needs to visit the USA? That's why God invented international waters.
M) Purely for research purposes.
N) Then I discovered fox hunting.
O) I have never shopped at Aldi or Lidl.
P) Only on holiday. What goes on outside the UK stays outside the UK, right?
R) Then I discovered politics was way more addictive.
S) I'm well-off and white, so I knew I would get away with it.
T) It was the 60s/70s/80s/90s/00s/last week.
U) Only in a bid to support developing economies.
V) It offered unique insights into the plight of the underclasses.
W) I found it invaluable in my Home Office/Justice Ministry/Education/Prisons role.
X) Daddy made the conviction go away.
Y) Drugs mean Drugs.
Z) Sorry, what was the question again?
You can also download this whole thread of Tory drug-taking excuses as a PDF from the link below...…
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