Thread by @docbhooshan

#Thread
#Adolescence
#India
#Hormone

I see many 13-14 year old boys and girls brought to clinic with a bunch of reports of hormonal levels.

In a free market like india it is possible to walk into a lab and have as many tests as you can pay for without any prescription from dr.

Parents (sometimes their family doctors) get these tests done in a quest to find explanation for these adolescents "changed" behavior.
These behaviours are -
1. Staying up late and struggle to get up in the morning.
2. Irritable mood

3. Desire to stay away from immediate and extended family
4. More connect with friends
5. Food dada
6. Laziness like their body is suddenly filled with lead.(they become Helium with phonecall from a friend)
7. General shabbiness of room and hygiene

8. Masturabtion and / or interest in sex (usually opposite , sometimes same)
9. Foul language.
Etc. Etc.

All these "sins" are entirely overlooked if child scores obscene marks in exams. (Some other time later about these "brilliant" children)

One question that parents have for me is "we have read /informed that he/she is undergoing hormonal changes, can you confirm that through these tests and what can we do about it?"

(This is Indian way of asking question so usually it runs 5 min long. I compressed it here)

Most readers know that entire list i posted above is ALL normal adolescence. It IS because of hormonal changes and brain wiring modifications.
It happens in ALL human beings.
You should be seriously worried if it DOESN'T happen with your child by 16 or 18 years of age.

These parents are seriously worried about their children losing focus in crucial years and ruining their chances of good life.
(In our beloved motherland "crucial years" of the child usually starts on day of parents marriage and ends with parents demise)

Parental worry about "Waste of crucial years" is justified as for most children from middle class background, their scores in various exams from 15 to 18 yr of life pretty much decides their life path.

Difficulty is what parents expect from kids and how their worry drives them.

When parents react with alarm, anger, disapproval, sadness and even disgust at emerging sexuality and other other turbulent changes in their children, relationship is literally ruined.

Parent's attempt to keep control on children's life and ways and children's quest for autonomy causes frequent skirmishes, battles and sometimes outright wars in 2BHK apartments.
And explosions in small, closed space are devastating for humans.

Parents reading up about normal adolescent changes in body, mind, socialization and preferences will go a long way.

Excessive friendliness usually backfires and no adolescents wants to be friends with a 45 year old unless it gives massive financial dividends.

Being a dignified adult who is willing to give necessary leeway without drama really helps.

Not sweating small change is HUGE. Brushing teeth, combing hair, cleaning up room, having "nutritious diet" all the time is all small change.

What matters is that you are generally aware of your adolescents whereabouts and activities. Their emotional "patterns" are key because sudden and dramatic change from already changed baseline is an indicator of mental health issues.

Loading them with advice and how things were in your adolescence is a sure way to alienate your beloved child.

Concrete help in their struggles (where possible) really works.

A smile and a pat on the back goes a long way than a 20 min sermon "from the bottom of heart"

And please don't spend mo et on those stupid hormone tests unless your adolescent has serious menstrual issues or serious growth delay.

There are no "corrective" treatments for normal adolescent changes. They are to be welcomed with a smile, open arms and lots of deodorant.

As usual,
I wish you luck to ride out this slightly rough patch.

#India #Parenting