Thread by @rlujanloveless

My #codependency has told me my whole life that if I just love harder, sacrifice more, diminish my own desires, show up more authentically, believe harder, leave no emotional stone unturned, that I can earn the love I deserve.

SPOILER ALERT: none of that is true.

My body has always given me the signs ahead of time when my needs may not be able to be met by certain people. Reader, I have ignored her to the point of exhaustion. SHE FUCKING TELLS ME AHEAD OF TIME: DANGER! I have a built-in alarm system! And yet, I still try to earn love.

My young, codependent parts don’t know how to function in relationships where they don’t have to work to get the care they need. They expect it to be difficult for people to love me. I gravitate towards people who can’t or won’t meet my needs & when it happens it feels NORMAL.

I’m cognizant of the dysfunction yet the compulsion to choose relationships who can’t meet my needs is like a goddamn magnet. I’ve been working on this for almost a decade now & it STILL continues to be an issue.

My young parts resist the knowledge I now have: I am whole all on my own & wholly deserving of whole love.

My work is to gently, tenderly listen to the wounds of my parts, validate their truth & reveal to them that I am here now & can meet all my needs.

This is tiring work.