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A few words about Father’s Day for my brothers and sisters: the children of Fail Dads. If you had a good or great dad that’s awesome but I wanna talk to my people for a bit.
First off I hope Father’s Day isn’t a downer for you. I hope it’s just another day and you’ve moved past all the stuff that goes with having had a dad who said or did things he shouldn’t have or wasn’t there (either emotionally or physically).
But if that’s not the case I wanted to make a few points. First always remember Father’s Day is a bullshit holiday for Hallmark shareholders. It isn’t real.
Secondly I’m sorry your dad failed you. You didn’t deserve that. You’re beautiful and wonderful and you’ve probably managed to turn out great despite their absence or misdoings.
Third: closure is bullshit. The only bigger lie is “time heals all wounds.” You will have your ups and downs grappling with Fail Dad, either as a living person or a memory, forever. And that’s ok.
Fourth: it’s ok to be mad and resentful but don’t dwell there too long. It really is toxic. Love yourself enough to let go of the anger even though it will jump out of the bushes from time to time to have some fun with you. I know it’s hard to forgive or make peace but you must.
I can’t presume to know what you’re going through. But I do know whatever he did was done out of weakness and or fear. He was a flawed person, regardless of what he tried to project. Remembering that makes it easier to forgive.
Fifth: if you can, break the cycle. Whatever that means to you. Try to be the parent you wanted or needed. Even if you never parent anyone yourself, mentor someone. Do good.
Finally: if you can’t celebrate a parent on Father’s Day, celebrate yourself for surviving him. I’m serious. If you’ve broken the cycle in any way, buy yourself something. Love yourself. He probably couldn’t love you the way he should’ve because he didn’t love himself.
That’s it. Take care.
Yesterday I went to the memorial of a lovely guy. Kent Huffnagle died far too young and left behind a wife and a young daughter. This is their first Father’s Day without him. If you can donate even $5 to their GoFundMe that would be beautiful. gofundme.com/f/get-kent-a-n…
