Thread by @FrankMPaul

Behold! Here's the second semi-final of #OnlyConnect fan fiction, in which the Future Overlords do battle with the Karaoke Fans.

“I demand the Viper, Veronica!” barks Galapaga.

HORNED VIPER

CLUE 1:
Jakob Heym (in 1969 novel)

CLUE 2:
Fletcher Reede (in 1997 film)

CLUE 3:
William Fisher (in 1959 novel)

CLUE 4:
Spencer, Hanna, Emily and Aria (in 2010-2017 TV series)

They identify the connection after the fourth clue. “We have to sing an aria!” urges Nefertiti. But as they prepare to do so, they are distracted by a resonant twang. It’s coming from a glowing, colander-like helmet which Bingleforth has just put on.

“With Branson’s Magnificent Mind-Melder,” cackles Galapaga, “We’ll fuse this bonehead’s brain with the question-setters’ brains – then he’ll know all the answers!” The helmeted henchman begins to gurgle, slack-jawed, his eyes rolling back and his body trembling violently.

The Future Overlords see this question:

LION

CLUE 1:
Billy Bunter’s cry of pain

CLUE 2:
Son of Dracula

CLUE 3:
Oprah Winfrey’s production company

CLUE 4:
Setting of Under Milk Wood

“Quick, Bingleforth, what’s the answer?” Bingleforth sprouts wings, his eyes bulge, dark wiry hairs sprout from his face and he hovers in the air. “Curses, I’ve fused him with a fly again! Hermann, where’s the remote control to turn him back to normal? Hermann?”

They fail to claw out an answer and the Karaoke Fans earn a bonus before facing their own question.

EYE OF HORUS

CLUE 1:
Scrounge lounge

CLUE 2:
Sharpest harpist

CLUE 3:
Porpoise corpus

CLUE 4:
Cartridge partridge

After three clues, they find the answer. “They’re rhymes, Adelita, they’re crying out for music!” hisses Judith. The three of them take a deep breath in readiness to sing.

Hermann finds the remote control to undo the effects of the Mind-Melder and Bingleforth plummets onto the Karaoke Fans’ desk with a crash and a yelp. As Bingleforth limps back to his seat, the Future Overlords will face the next question.

WATER

CLUE 1:

CLUE 2:

CLUE 3:

CLUE 4:

They roar with revulsion at the first picture but cannot find a link – and neither can their opponents, who will pick the next hieroglyph.

TWO REEDS

CLUE 1:
Shot with BB gun

CLUE 2:
Swinging on rope into brick wall

CLUE 3:
Hit by paint cans attached to string

CLUE 4:
Knocked unconscious with snow shovel

TWISTED FLAX

CLUE 1:
Jerry Sheindlin

CLUE 2:
Vincente Minnelli

CLUE 3:
Richard Madeley

CLUE 4:
Mr Punch

“I’ve got it, boss, I’ve got it!” exclaims Bingleforth after three clues, and beams with pride as he announces the correct answer. At the end of Round 1, the Future Overlords have 2 points, the Karaoke Fans have 6. The Karaoke Fans will select the first hieroglyph of Round 2.

EYE OF HORUS

CLUE 1:
SS: I Don’t Give A Darn

CLUE 2:
3B: I Don’t Know

CLUE 3:
2B: What

They can’t find the fourth in the sequence, but neither can the Future Overlords, who will see the next question.

TWO REEDS

CLUE 1:
Marianne

CLUE 2:
My Concubine

CLUE 3:
Pet

“Curses and triple curses on these loathsome questions!” snarls Galapaga. “We’ll have to rely on a little trick I picked up from a childhood heroine of mine...” The Karaoke Fans fail to pick up the bonus.

TWISTED FLAX

CLUE 1:

CLUE 2:

CLUE 3:

LION

CLUE 1:
7: Genoa, Marco Rossi

CLUE 2:
8: České Budějovice, Karel Poborský

CLUE 3:
9: Nantes, Emiliano Sala

WATER

CLUE 1:
4: Prying

CLUE 2:
3: Joyful

CLUE 3:
2: Gluttonous

Judith overcomes her distress to mime a correct answer after three clues. It’s the Future Overlords’ turn.

HORNED VIPER

CLUE 1:
Cab: lack of co-ordination

CLUE 2:
Sacred syllable: explosive

CLUE 3:
Indian dairy drink: definitive

Neither team finds an answer. At the end of Round 2, the Future Overlords have 2 points, the Karaoke Fans have 10.

This wall confronts the Karaoke Fans. Robbed of their voices, their communication skills falter and they muster up just three points.

Missing vowels:

Names Alan Partridge considers for his house:
BNT LYHS
THLDR CTRY
THC NN MNS
LR GC T TG

Idioms involving insects
THBSK NS
FLMR KT
F LYNT HWLL
TSN TC RCKT

7-letter words with only two consonants:
QS
SQ
TC
VC

The End #OnlyConnect

@threadreaderapp unroll please.

@threadreaderapp unroll, I implore you!