Thread by @vipergts46

"Due to my outstanding Payment history I'm am qualified for 0% interest on ALL of your credit cards. We are a conglomerate of Visa, Mastercard, and AmEx." Press #9 now. Oh boy, here we go! Into the matrix. *presses 9*

Since I have made all of my payments on time and I have an outstanding credit history I'm qualified for 0% on all of my credit cards. This sounds amazing!

I just need to verify my information. Who do I bank with.. Okay I'll bite. Let's pick a random bank in Missouri -- Central bank of the Ozarks for $500, Alex.

Oh, they see that I have three banks in my local area, which branch is mine? Okay.. Downtown Jefferson, why do you need to know that?

Retort - We're verifying your information in our system. This is standard procedure. I'm Johnny by the way.

Alright Johnny on the spot. What does it take to get my 0% on all of my credit cards?

J- I just need to verify your information. I have found the Jefferson location in my system and I have the routing number as 086500634. Can you verify your checking account number please?

Johnny, I have to be honest with you. I'm not comfortable giving that information out. Can I verify my SSN with you? :)

J -- "Due to security reasons we don't have access to your SSN. I just need you to verify your account number, and I can give you 0% on all your credit cards."

Johnny, I'm going to put you on hold a second.

Oh , Johnny. You're still there! Great. Sorry about that.

Johnny- "No worries sir, I need you to verify your account number so I can get you your 0% interest."

Sure thing Johnster. But how do I know you're working for a legitimate organization that works with the credit card companies?

Johnny -- "Sir, we are the only organization authorized to give you 0% on all of your credit cards."

Johnmon. Can you waive the yearly fees as well?

J -- " Uh, I'll need to talk to my boss about that, we're only authorized to give you 0% on ALL of your credit cards."

Johnster, how long is the 0%? 1 month, 2 years, talk to me buddy.

j -- "It's 0%, across all of your credit cards for 1 year."

Okay Jay, what cards can you give me 0% on?

j-" all of them"

Which ones specifically Jenny?

j- "Sir, my name is Johnny, and all of them. Visa, MasterCard, and your American Express."

Okay Janny -- Can I put you on hold. I need to call my wife and see if it's okay.

j- " You need to call your wife to ask permission for 0% across your cards?"

Look John, I don't call you and explain how to handle your relationships. I'm not allowed to make financial decisions w/o my wife because I got scammed out of $50k. You're not a scammer are you, John?

j - "Sir, why would a scammer give you 0% on all your cards?"

Good point Johnny. Let me call my wife. Please hold.

Ah--- damn .. John boy hung up..