today i have my first real & full session of emdr therapy. i can never remember the letters ‘emdr’ & always say ‘epmd’ so i save these appts as epmd concerts & it makes me giggle 
im really scared. im trying to figure out which traumatic experience to start with and i can barely muster to strength to think abt them enough to pick one. like i repressed them for a reason lol
but i want out from under whatever invisible blanket im still under. ive figured im healed from it all bc i dont think abt it everyday but if im to be honest, i see ways that those traumas influence my actions & thusly still impact my life
like anyone else i can give you a list long as a cvs receipt of my least favorable traits & a normal sized receipt of what i like about myself, but one good thing i have embraced is that i am one of the bravest people i know. i do things that im terrified of all the time
i hate this but if i want better for me & this will help make me better, i will do it with enthusiasm bc im so tired of being tired
idk how it went. i was so frazzled i was 15 mins late and it made me so mad that i felt distracted or something. now i just feel like im feeling every feeling at once so im gonna go eat bourgie pizza & all the wine
