Thread by @koreanforeigner

I just watched Dracula the Musical at the KEPCO Art Center. My immediate feeling is this. The following thread will contain spoilers.

I read Bram Stoker's Dracula when I was 14. I was a big fan of the 1931 and 1992 movies. Dracula had menace. He was a violent monster who preyed on the innocent. He made his minions feed on a baby! He was in league with the Devil. He was a classic literary and movie monster.

And when you take into consideration that the character was based on a real person who was just as monstrous, Vlad the Impaler, you know that Dracula isn't anything close to the sparkly, "vegetarian" Edward Cullen.

But that's what the musical did. They Twilighted Dracula.

Remember those characters you're familiar with? Jonathan Harker, Mina Murray, Lucy Westenra, Arthur Holmwood, Quincey Morris? Well, you can forget them. They're not in the musical. Not even Renfield!

Van Helsing is in the story, but he isn't a professor or a scientist...

but rather some sort of priest/religious zealot who doesn't seem to think killing innocent people is much of a sin.

Instead of the evil monster in the story, Dracula is an angsty emo kid who seeks love and doesn't find it creepy to constantly call a woman by a different name.

Then there's Lorraine, a woman who has been in love with Dracula since she was a human, and then continues to be in love with him for centuries. Basically, she's the vampire version of Eponine Thenardier, except less sympathetic.

There's another male vampire. I don't remember the name. His only purpose was to be in love with Lorraine.

So, here's the plot. Dracula is a really popular guy in his town. He's married to Adriana and they have a baby. He's already a vampire. Didn't know vampires could have kids

In fact, Adriana isn't his first wife. He was married to another woman but kills her because he can't resist his bloodlust. He's married to Adriana 20 years later and really happy. He also makes a big deal about not giving into his bloodlust so as to avoid killing his family.

Lorraine loves Dracula. Future vampire loves Lorraine. The pope sends soldiers to Dracula's castle to conscript him into the army. Dracula refuses. Pope is happy because it turns out the pope wanted an excuse to kill him because Dracula is popular.

Soldiers kill everyone. Including the baby. Dracula saves Lorraine and boy who loves Lorraine by turning them into vampires. Adriana refuses Dracula's blood and dies. Dracula turns into bats and kills the soldiers and the pope.

400 years pass. And they steal a page from Anne Rice. The vampires hide in the open by pretending to be actors who act as vampires on the stage. I actually think Anne Rice is owed a paycheck.

Adriana reappears, but she's now Eloise. Her parents were killed by Dracula.

But not really. Her parents were actually killed by Van Helsing who looks just like the pope. Van Helsing killed Eloise's parents, told her Dracula did it, and uses her to seduce Dracula to lure him into a trap. How does Van Helsing know what Adriana, a woman who died...

400 years ago looks like? How does he know Dracula still hasn't gotten over his wife? How does he know Eloise will grow up to look exactly like Adriana? How does he even know about Adriana at all?

Van Helsing captures Lorraine, tortures her, and kills her. She gets a goodbye song. Boy vampire kills a bunch of soldiers but does from his wounds. I guess bullets kill vampires now.

Van Helsing holds Eloise prisoner. Dracula decides to rescue her.

Eloise believes she's actually Adriana, I guess? Dracula kills everyone but is mortally wounded. He's about to kill Van Helsing. Eloise tells him not to. He doesn't. He yells. Van Helsing is a terrible Christian. Not only does he kill innocent people, he also commits suicide.

You'd think one of the requirements of becoming a priest is being familiar with the Bible. Oh well.

Dracula spent the whole time wanting to be with Adriana again. Now he can but he decides not to. Instead, he chooses to kill himself by standing in sunlight. Because reasons.

Dracula goes to vampire heaven where Lorraine waits for him.

So, story was terrible.

Was the music at least good? Do you like generic sounding music that isn't memorable? Then listen to Maroon 5. This one wasn't even that. It was flat out boring. I had to fight to stay awake.

It was god-awful. Don't watch it. I'd rather drive a wooden stake through my heart than sit through that rubbish again.